thankful on a thursday—struggling

On the last Wednesday of the month my church has a prayer meeting. We gather together and pray individually, in small groups, and corporately. We confess. We praise. We cry out. We intercede.

Last night, before a time of individual prayer and confession, one of the pastors challenged us with this: If you are in the midst of a certain sin, you are not struggling with that sin. You have already given yourself over to that sin. It in only when you turn away from a sin and are tempted to return to it that the struggle occurs. He went on to quote Hebrews saying, "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood."

None of us are perfect. I am not perfect. Sin will always tempt me. This isn't about being convicted to "live like a Navy SEAL for Jesus". This is simply about conviction. This is about the discipline of a Father who loves His children so much that, where we have given in to sin, He has persevered, even to the point of bloodshed in our place. His strength, his ability to struggle, is made perfect in my weakness, in my inability to struggle without Him calling me, guiding me back Home. For that I am eternally thankful.

1. A long run, off the pavement, with a running partner, and incredible views.
2. A weekend of quiet with nothing to do but cook, bake, and knit.
3. A last minute ticket to see The Avett Brothers in Portland.
4. Late night brainstorming sessions over microbrews.
5. For friendships, new and old.
6. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
7. Free laundry.
8. The way He reminds me that He is always with me.
9. A long drive all to myself.
10. Digging into a new book I can hardly stand to put down.

a weekend away

This weekend I am going away. I will leave work on Friday, stopping by Extracto for an iced late and A Close Knit for a new set of knitting needles (square and metal and divine), before heading out along Marine Drive. Upon arriving in Glenwood, Washington I will lug my laundry, my rolling pin, my knitting, a bag of groceries and several books inside.

There are a few things on my to do list for the weekend, and I am looking forward to each of them. A weekend away with a to do list? Yeah, but check out this list:

• Laundry [that doesn't cost $1.25 per load]
• Make shaved asparagus pizza
• Knit
• Run 12 miles [with a running partner and without being chased by dogs...or cougars]
• Bake chocolate pudding pie
• Watch a movie...or two

thankful on a thursday—post script

One more bit of thankfulness to add to yesterday's list:

11. Nish lent me her shoes for most of the walk back from Lady Gaga last night because my usually comfy and oh so cute black heels were killing me. She shuffled along in my too-big-for-her shoes and I wore her TOMS. SO thankful!

thankful on a thursday—all over the place

Today I feel all over the place. Almost every item on my to do list is only partially completed [except for planning my outfit for tonight, that I finished around midnight last night]. As soon as I start something I am distracted by some other thing, partially done, sitting on my desk asking me, "but what about me? Aren't you going to finish me?"

Perhaps it's because there really is too much to do. Maybe it's the Stumptown latte coursing through my veins. More likely it's trying to do everything all at once.

In the midst of the excitement of seeing a dear friend, attending what is sure to be an EPIC Lady Gaga concert, getting back into the groove of normal life after a crazy July followed by two weeks of vacation, and processing what it means to trust, believe, and accept God's unconditional love, I find myself—my feelings, thoughts, and life—all over the place.

That's what I love about Thankful on a Thursday. I get to pause and focus. Even if the things I'm thankful for are totally random and disconnected, this exercise in intentional gratitude brings them all together.

1. Seeing Lady Gaga in concert.
2. Five days with my high schoolers in Southern Oregon, hiking, rafting, and swimming.
3. All the conversations and things that took place between the hiking, rafting, and swimming.
4. Friends to run with on my long runs for the next TWO weekends.
5. Adventures and conversations with Katie on Sauvie Island.
6. Belonging to a church that lives out honesty, transparency, and grace even when it is hard.
7. A few quiet moments of gratitude and grace at His table.
8. Lounging around on familiar furniture, beds, and beaches with family.
9. Last night's voicemail from Erica Sue.
10. His love is present and true no matter what.

they toil not

It's tattooed on my arm, so why doesn't it live in my heart?

I have food to eat.

I have clothes to wear.

I have friends and family and so much love.

Why doesn't it feel like enough? Why don't those things and those people feel like blessings? Why won't this wanting, this needing, this loneliness be quenched?

What is left undone? What is misunderstood?

Grace.

LOVE.

What does it look like to rest? To trust that it doesn't matter that I'm not enough, that I don't have it all figured out?

How do I JUST LIVE in this place? No striving to make it better / easier / prettier. Just live. Just be. How do I stop trying when it's all I can think of to do?

missing the chaos

After two weeks away from home, it was nothing short of amazing to shower in my own shower (sans flip flops), climb into my own bed, and fall fast asleep. It was incredible to wake up without an alarm and know I could just lay in my big, comfy bed without worrying about who I was supposed to wake up when or wonder if I'd be able to grab five minutes to myself to just be.

In the midst of enjoying my self-imposed solitude I noticed the quiet, the lack of laughter, the absence of birds and river water. No one was challenging anyone else to escape from a camp chair after being tied up. No one was attempting to do any sort of awesome jump off a rock into the river. No one wanted to know if they had time to go to the bathroom / shower / river / frisbee golf course before our next activity. I miss that.

I miss the chaos. I miss the laughter. I miss the silly contests. I miss driving a Suburban full of kids who are singing, dancing and air guitarring their hearts out as I drive us through the windy back roads and secluded state highways of southern Oregon. I miss seeing the stars from the window of my tent as I fall asleep, separated from the ground by a quartern inch of thermarest, wrapped up in my caterpillar green sleeping bag. I miss the joy of the water finally boiling and passing out oatmeal and french press to sleepy students and leaders. I miss the brief moments where I see this chaos for what it really is—love and grace lived out in the midst of the messy lives we live.

These kids are the best. Those five days in southern Oregon will go down as some of my favorite. While my introverted self is still a little tired, I cannot wait for Wednesday and the chance to relive even just a bit of that holy chaos that's become so dear to my heart.

fabulous friday video goodness—how He loves us

In the midst of anger, struggling with resentment and a self-imposed, stubbornly narrow-minded understanding of blessing, I know He loves me.

fabulous friday video goodness—mumford & sons

Accordion.

Steel guitar [I think].

Incredible lyrics.

Please to enjoy Mumford & Sons goodness.



In these bodies we will live
In these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love
You invest your life

thankful on a—what the heck it's friday already!?

TIME FLIES. And folks, I have so much to do before I leave for TWO WEEKS OF VACATION on Monday. Really, I shouldn't even be writing this. I should be printing out documents for Board packets and sorting through my inbox, then I have to send this massive email [which still needs some edits btw], and don't even get me started on all the qualitative data I've got to quantify. And that's just today at work. WHEW. Why isn't the coffee ready yet?

If I'm so busy, why the blog? Because you gotta pause. Because I have to pause. I have to stop, close my eyes, and take a breath. Otherwise I will go crazy. So this is my pause.

This Thursday Friday, I am thankful.

1. For an empty office so I can turn the music up and get stuff done in my own crazy way.
2. A run with a friend after work that is guaranteed to clear my head and bring me down from a ten to a two.
3. Cool mornings and warm summer evenings.
4. Homemade sushi and honesty.
5. The familiarity of home away from home.
6. Thirteen days away from the office...the last time I did that I was unemployed.
7. Getting to see Nish in person. [Squee!]
8. The beeping of the office coffee pot, it's not french press, but it's found its way into my heart.
9. A southern feast cooked for family.
10. Running eight miles when I didn't think I'd make it more than five.
11. His patience with me when I make time for everything and everyone but Him.

Much love friends. Now it's time to go kick this to list apart!

CB10: one week

Here I am, all set to write about how there's one week until CB10 and now I have Bare Naked Ladies "One Week" stuck in my head. Whatever.

One week until:

• Speed Scrabble
• Ten Thousand
• Sleepy Monk Coffee consumed AT their coffee shop
• Beach gifts
• Toe Rock
• Gin yer hert be cauld I canna warm ye
• Alright, everyone grab four pieces of wood
• Laughing until we cry
• Crying until we laugh
• Three generations
• Jokes years in the making
• The familiarity of a little twin bed shoved close to the window

One week until Windwhistle.*


[Pronounced Whhindwhhistle.]

encouragement

After yesterday's mini-meltdown about not being able to run the half and being worried I wouldn't be ready to run the full, I was in the midst of venting to Kathy when I got an email from Kelly on dailymile*. If I was still on the fence about running the full, that email clinched it for me. Here were a few of Kelly's reasons:

1. You still have 12 weeks! That's plenty of time to get up to speed. I can help you with any training questions you have. We can also look for a training group in Portland.
2. There is no foul in walking. My mom did her first marathon walking the entire thing. She was the last to finish, but came in with tears in her eyes and a huge smile on her face. We can come up with a plan so that you walk every 15 minutes and still finish this thing.
3. Run to the nearest bar after 13.1. If you're not feeling good after 13.1, let's share a pint at the nearest bar. No pressure!
4. We'll be there to help you through it.
5. It's gonna feel really good to cross that finish line. One of the best feelings in the world.

He also suggested running in costume, but all I can think is how shrivelly it would feel to run in something other than running clothes. :)

Portland Marathon, here I come.

*Shameless plug: if you're not on dailymile yet, you need to fix that, stat!

let's do this

Hip issues early on in my marathon training slowed me way down. "No worries," I thought. If worse comes to worst I'll just run the half.

Well, worse seemed to come to worst at my last physical therapy appointment when my PT said he was concerned about me being prepared for the marathon in October. I was discouraged, but not all that surprised.

I kept my chin up and gave myself a few weeks to mull things over. Then last week I decided I would email the race director and ask about running the half, certain it wouldn't be an issue. It is an issue. The half is sold out. This leaves me with the following options:

1. Blow off the race.
2. Take a DNF.
3. Just go for it.

My first reaction was to do #1. My second thought was a slightly defeated, "yeah, I guess I could DNF...." My third and final thought was, "LET'S DO THIS."

[Image is from Threadless]

CB10: sunsets

When you look back through old photos of our yearly trips to the beach, there are always, ALWAYS pictures of the sunset. I would venture to guess that there are hundreds of pictures of the sunset, all taken from within five feet of each other. And every year we take more. Because every year the sunsets are beautiful and different from the ones, not just that previous year, but different even from the previous day's sunset. Just like those sunsets are different each year, our trip to the beach is different each year, even though each year we stay in the same house, sleep in the same beds, enjoy fires in the same fireplace, and play endless games of 10,000 and Speed Scrabble at the same table.



E I G H T E E N D A Y S

CB10: the countdown is ON

Dudes. It is almost here. What's almost here?? The BEACH. That is what is almost here. Only 19 days.

N I N E T E E N D A Y S.

fabulous friday video goodness

After a ridiculously amazing hike along the Dipsea trail, beers on the beach, and dinner at the Sand Dollar in Stinson Beach, we wound our way back to San Francisco along the 101. All five of us, Kathy, Kelly, Ben, Tess and I played the "let's all share our favorite YouTube videos" game. As a result of that game, I've had the Local Natives acoustic cover of "Cecelia," by Simon and Garfunkle, stuck in my head almost all week. It's the perfect summer song. I encourage you to grab something pale and delicious, lemonade, a Corona, plop your feet in some water, and enjoy...but maybe keep the computer away from the water. I don't know if you've heard, but water and electronics don't really mix.

thankful on a really hot thursday

I know even I, the perpetual lover of rain, got to a point just a few weeks ago where I was tired of the consistent precipitation. And I knew this would happen. I knew that as soon as it got above 85 degrees I would start complaining. But you know what? This is a THANKFUL day, so that is what I am choosing to focus on.

1. A long weekend away with the lovely Kathy Simpson. It was long overdue and every minute was absolutely wonderful.
2. Strapless dresses and strappy sandals.
3. Ice cubes and ice cold water.
4. Living water that never runs dry.
5. The proximity of my house to a fantastic gelato place.
6. My uncle Peter has gained four pounds even as he is in the midst of chemo and radiation for esophageal cancer.
7. Good Southern comfort food.
8. A good summer read.
9. My fourth Avett Brothers concert NEXT weekend!
10. His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways.

I'm off to stick my toes (and the rest of me) in a tub full of cold water and watch a movie. Loves.

thankful on a thursday—exceeding expectations

I expected this week to be overwhelming. I expected it to be too much. I thought the days would be too long and the nights too short. My expectations were, for the most part, met.

What I didn't expect was that this week would be so good. I didn't expect encouragement from unexpected places. I didn't expect that I would love my quiet mornings in the office before everyone else arrived as much as I do. I didn't expect to enjoy running this week.

This week has been so much more than what I thought it would be, and it's not over yet.

This week, I am so very thankful.

1. For quiet mornings and fresh, hot cups of coffee.
2. The gift of friendship, and all the many forms it takes.
3. A WHOLE weekend in San Francisco with Kathy.
4. A reminder that sometimes it is the storms in life that He uses to save us.
5. The softening of my heart toward things I'd promised myself I'd never do...like baking pies.
6. Fresh berries from local farms.
7. Running with the One who gives me the ability to run in the first place.
8. New jeans.
9. Celebrating with friends as they commit their lives to one another.
10. The smell of the salty air on a sunny summer day on the Oregon Coast.

simpsoka

It's the second semester of my freshman year of college, first week of classes. I'm leaving class, walking side by side with a girl I've just met. I'm intrigued by her intelligence, her independence, and the spark that ignites when two people just get each other.

Fast forward a year and a half. It's the end of my second semester of sophomore year. School is about to start, and this same friend and I are headed to our respective homes for the summer, me to Vancouver and she to Alaska. Inspired by Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (yes, really), she suggests that instead of sharing pants we mail journals back and forth all summer. This remains on of my favorite highlights of our friendship to this day.

Another year and a half goes by and we are roommates living in three-quarters of a garage that's been converted into a small house. There are Saturday morning breakfasts, movie nights, road trips, quote boards, and memories that have faded into the fabric of friendship only remembered in the familiarity that exists between us.

After only six months of being roommates, she moves. Then she moves again, and I move where she is. We spend a summer hiking, biking and laughing our way through Skagway, Alaska and its surrounding wonders. And then summer is over.

Real life sets in. She moves. I move. I visit. She moves. I move. I move. She moves. I move. She moves. I move. She moves. And all of a sudden it's been several years since we've seen each other. How does life move so quickly? It doesn't feel like years because we talk every week. But when I think about the last time I SAW her laugh, not just imagined it as she tells me she's laughing over gchat, the time becomes evident.

On Friday the wait will be over. It will no longer be years since we've seen each other, and I cannot wait.

fabulous friday video goodness

I was all set to post a different video today. And then Nish reminded me just how much I loved...Blink182. Those boys with their potty jokes, their tattoos (mmm...tattoos...) and their piercings, playing their sugary bubblegum punk. How I loved them. So in honor of the past, here is Blink182.

thankful on a thursday—under the wire

Here it is, only 39 minutes from Friday, and my TOAT post is still unwritten. Because there's so little to be thankful for? Not so much, see last week's post on all of the busy in my life for more information.

Friends, here is my list of things for which I am thankful:

1. Early morning runs marked by sunshine and a cool breeze/
2. Deep belly laughs.
3. Wisdom and love imparted by cousinsisterbestfriends.
4. A weekend away at the cabin with family.
5. Learning to trust that He who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it.
6. The anticipation of a more than long overdue weekend in San Francisco.
7. That first glass of cold water after a run.
8. The process of reconciliation.
9. The high school students who brighten up my Wednesday nights with their laughter and love.
10. Opportunities to go big or go home.

Good night my friends.

fabulous friday video goodness

I discovered this video when I was over in Scotland. Several things to notice:

• The size of the cell phone you see around 1:50
• The awesome dance moves
• Eyebrows [you'll know them when you see them]

I only have one question for you...why can't we dig each other and just hang?

thankful on a thursday—a little crazy

Life these days feels a little crazy. I feel like I have so many different things to manage, and I never sit down and organize all of them at once. I'll be in the midst of putting together a to do list at work, and something on my list will remind me of an email I meant to send to a friend. So I'll open up my email and get half a sentence in before I realized I've abandoned my previous task of organizing my to do list.

A few years ago someone asked me how I kept myself organized, where was my calendar? I smiled, tapped my index finger against my temple, and said, "it's all up here." Now, I'm not at the point where life is so crazy that I'm forgetting what I'm doing when and with whom...but I am at the point where my schedule is a little more than crazy. My homebody self is not getting enough time at home, while my extroverted that-sounds-awesome-lets-do-that! self is getting PLENTY of time out with others.

I get that it's MY CHOICE to say yes or no to spending time with friends. No one is forcing me out of the house. Maybe the problem is reminding myself to stay in. Self-imposed lock-ins, or designated nights each week that I'm always home? That seems a little too rule oriented for my taste.

It's not so much about rules as it is making sure I make time for the things that, regardless of how crazy life gets, keep me grounded. It's making sure I have time to just sit with my Bible and my journal, without anything else to distract me—this is why I no longer attempt to read my Bible during lunch at work or on the bus. It is taking time to be alone, in my room, on a run, but to just be alone without music, TV or a book to distract me.

1. The peace and quiet that accompanies every run.
2. Library books.
3. A handwritten card full of love and encouragement.
4. The familiar ache in my quads as I climb the stairs, a byproduct of running regularly.
5. Hood strawberries fresh from the farmers' market.
6. The smell of coffee as I prepare to take my first sip of the day.
7. My nephew Jonah Bear, who is about to turn ONE.
8. Homemade pie, lemon meringue to be precise.
9. The light in the kitchen, early in the morning, and the inevitable sigh of relief I breathe as I sit down.
10. Last, but CERTAINLY NOT least,Kathleen Alice Simpson, who was born 28 years and one day ago today.

remember

"Remember who you are and what you stand for."

My grandpa, Pop, would say that to me, and the rest of his grand kids, as he and my grandma, Mamie, would hug us goodbye. It's not as easy as it sounds, remembering who I am and what I stand for. The enemy is crafty, with schemes and enticements for each and every day. But more and more I am learning to stand in who I am, who I am created to be. I am learning that just because the waves crash against me, doesn't mean I will be knocked off my feet. I am learning that when the storms rage I can lean against my Rock.

fabulous friday video goodness—BONUS AVETTS

A little bonus Avett Goodness via the always awesome Joe Kwon[the cellist for The Avett Brothers]. A lovely Friday night to you all, and please to enjoy.

The Fall - The Avett Brothers feat. G. Love from Joseph Kwon on Vimeo.

fabulous friday video goodness—AVETTS

It's been a while since I've posted any Avett Goodness here, but it's not because these brothers have been far from my heart. No, no. Check out this video of their song, "Tear Down the House". It's one of my favorites, and this video makes it even more so.



PS. Anyone around this summer and want to go see them at Edgefield??

thankful on a thursday—friendship

I cannot believe all the amazing people God's put in my life. Tonight, sitting at my kitchen table with a little Jack Johnson on in the back ground, I am overwhelmed by the women and even a few men I get to be in community with on a regular basis. The more time I spend with people, the more I KNOW that we are not meant to be alone. We are not meant to live independently of one another.

We are meant to be in one another's lives. Not just when the house is clean and there's a delicious meal to be shared, but when the house is a mess and I haven't showered in three days, and I'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown. That is when it is the MOST important to open the door and let my friends in.

It can be SO DIFFICULT to let people into my mess, but it is so much better than the alternative, which is loneliness and fear. The fear that led me to plop down in the middle of the mess, certain that life would always look and feel like this, dissipates when another person sits in that place with me, with YOU, with us. Why miss out on that in an attempt to appear perfect, to try and prove that I've got it all figured out? THERE IS NO GOOD REASON TO DO THAT. Yeah, that was a rhetorical question, but I answered it anyway because I want to be VERY CLEAR that I am learning that community exists because God, in all His infinite wisdom, knew that we couldn't make it through the mess alone.

What about you, is it easy to let people in? Or are you slower to let others in?

1. FRIENDSHIP
2. Handwritten cards and letters
3. The anticipation of a Friday evening run that will push my running limits
4. The Wednesday Farmer's Market
5. Rodeo
6. Laughter with friends
7. The joy that comes when we share and bear each others burdens
8. Stove popped pop corn with kale chips and garlic
9. Celebrating with friends
10. Coffee dates with friends that cover the mundane, the profound, and everything in between
11. The anticipation in the four minutes before the the first cup of french press

fabulous friday video goodness

First it was the Single Ladies cover. And now...NOW POMPLAMOOSE DOES GAGA!

Please to enjoy this Fabulous Friday Video Goodness.

thankful on a thursday—don't should on yourself

Shouldn't I have this all figured out by now? Shouldn't I know WHO I am and WHAT I want to do with my life? Shouldn't I be a responsible, well adjusted adult by now? In the words of my friend / pastor / mentor / former-boss Charlie (who was quoting someone else I can't remember), "Don't should on yourself."

I'm a planner, and I like to have ALL the answers, not just some of them. When people ask me about work, about what I do, about what I want to do, there's this knot in my stomach and my throat tightens just a little. How can I be honest AND positive? How can I make it seem like I have my stuff together, like I have a plan, like I'm okay in the absence of a plan.

This absence of a plan freaks me out. It takes SO much faith and trust that I will be led—that I AM being led. Some days it's easy to trust, and others I am a messy wreck. But in the midst of it all, He is still there to cling to, and for that I am so thankful.

1. My uncle starts chemo this week, and the doctors are not worried about him.
2. A lazy weekend.
3. A good night's sleep in my own bed.
4. The use of a car for two and a half weeks.
5. Epiphanies.
6. Friends, old and new.
7. Just because I can't sense God doesn't mean He's not there.
8. Library books.
9. Discovering a new coffee roaster.
10. Honest conversation.

fabulous video goodness

I officially need a tuxedo and some dance lessons.

Eebs

Many happy returns on the day of thy birth, many seasons of sunshine be given,
May God in His mercy prepare you on earth for a beautiful birthday in heaven.

guest blog

In anticipation of having NO free time during moving week, Nish asked if I'd do a guest post on her blog. Let me stop here and say that if you're not reading Nish, you are MISSING OUT. I love her honesty and her sense of humor, the way she invites you into her life and shares whatever is on her heart. She also has FANTASTIC taste in music. (Gagaohlala)

Basically, she's awesome and she asked me to do a guest post, so check it out.

thankful on a thursday—one day late

Blah, blah, blah. Life is busy. Blah, blah. Needed sleep. Blah, blah. Excuses.

Thankful on a Thursday...but on Friday. So here's my list:

1. High School Musical movie marathon with my high school girls!!
2. The sound of rain on the roof as I fall asleep.
3. Physical therapy.
4. The return of Saturday morning runs!
5. Two weeks worth of my friends' CSA share and the green garlic pesto recipe I got to try.
6. I am not who other people have named me.
7. A long weekend with almost nothing to do.
8. Honesty.
9. Hot coffee on a cold morning.
10. Family.

OH. EM. GLEE.

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.

JOSS WHEDON.

GLEE.

I AM TOTALLY GLEEKING OUT RIGHT NOW.

missing gratitude

So I missed this last week's Thankful on a Thursday post, which kind of bums me out. I look forward to it every week as it's always a time of reflection for me, a time to zoom out and look at more than what's right in front of my face. My reason for missing was pretty awesome though...my little sister Lauren graduated from the University of Montana this weekend, so Thursday was all about rushing around the office so I could leave work early and catch a plane to Missoula.

In lieu of a Thankful on a Thursday post let me simply say that I am SO THANKFUL for my sister.

thankful on a thursday-longing for peace

I am confused. I am certain. I am doubtful. I am assured.

Back and forth. Back and forth. Fear. Peace. Fear. Faith. Fear. Love. Fear. Trust. He wraps me up in so many layers of Himself, but the enemy reverts to his tried and true weapon—fear.

I am trying to wade through, to see His Truth, to find my path. His path. Words that once brought comfort and freedom only seem to confuse. But He is not a God of confusion. He is a God of peace. He does not hide from me when I seek Him. How do I quiet my fears enough to hear His still, small voice?

Within this back and forth I am still thankful. It is a choice to be thankful, and it is a choice worth making.

1. A quiet evening at home.
2. The comfort and solace of His word.
3. My first physical therapy appointment.
4. A day of sunshine without rain.
5. A double shot eight ounce latte.
6. Celebrating my sister's graduation with lots of family.
7. Books on loan from friends.
8. Good local beers with friends.
9. The joy that fills each Wednesday night.
10. God's unendingly, patient, bottomless love.

thankful on a thursday-simple things

I love that when life feels overwhelming it seems it's always something small that resets my perspective. This week has been full of little things, each one refocusing, re-turning me toward my Center. This week I am thankful for little things:

1. A glimpse of the sunset on a week without sunrise.
2. Walking home in the rain on purpose.
3. Navy blue nail polish.
4. A fresh, hot cup of coffee first thing in the morning.
5. Honest conversation.
6. Pie for breakfast.
7. Sharing a meal with friends.
8. Silly games after youth group.
9. Rainbows just outside my kitchen window.
10. Lilacs in bloom all over Portland.

sometimes...

...a walk home in the rain is just what my spirit needs.

that's a lot of gratitude

I was thinking about this on Thursday, that after a year of Thankful on a Thursday posts, I will have a list of 520 things for which I am thankful. They probably won't be 520 entirely different things because I'm pretty sure I mention that I'm thankful for coffee almost every week. But it will still be quite the list. I am looking forward to looking backward, to rereading and remembering. And, even though it's not Thursday, I am thankful for Nish and this wonderful idea of hers. If you haven't checked out her blog yet, you're missing out.

Now, did somebody say something about coffee....?

a lovely friday

I found this months ago, but never posted it. I find it absolutely delightful.


Apparently it was one of the 2009 Cannes Lion Winners...not that I know what that means.

thankful on a thursday-short and sweet

No introductory thoughts tonight.

Just this list of things I am thankful for:

1. The conviction that comes from the simple, honest observation of high school students.
2. Honesty.
3. Good news from the doctor about my hip.
4. A weekend away in Bellevue.
5. Rides to and from youth group and the conversations that take place, sometimes funny, sometimes serious, always awesome.
6. A themed movie night with a friend.
7. Prayer.
8. My relationship with my dad.
9. Reconciliation.
10. The lilacs blooming.

thankful on a thursday—lovely, joyful

Today my heart is filled with gratitude. Today I am thankful before I get to the place in this post where I write my list. Today I am filled to overflowing—this WEEK I am filled to overflowing.

Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's what lies ahead. Maybe it's what I've left behind. Or maybe it is all of those things wrapped up in Goodness and Mercy and Love and Faithfulness raining down on me like the petals of the cherry blossoms when the east wind whips up the Gorge and down the streets of Portland.

I am thankful...

1. For sunshine and spring green leaves burgeoning from every tree and flower bed I pass.
2. For free 12oz iced coffee from Stumptown.
3. For a weekend at the coast with high school students who show me what God looks like, who teach me how to love, who show me my heart has so much more room in it.
4. For capture the flag filled evenings, rediscovering my inner child, army crawling through dirt and falling over tree trunks.
5. For scripture that trips me up and causes me to look deeper and draw closer.
6. For the possibility of what lies ahead.
7. For a weekend away with Lizzy and Briby.
8. For words of encouragement that water the dreams I long to see bud and flower.
9. For belly aching laughter that turns to tears.
10. For Joy that has nothing to do with happiness.

glasses please

I love discovering videos like this on Friday. It almost makes it feel like the weekend has come early.

I Am A Girl - The Girls With Glasses Theme Song from The Girls With Glasses on Vimeo.

beach retreat

The Imago high school youth group beach retreat is this weekend. It has been over THREE YEARS since I've been on any sort of youth retreat. I am so looking forward to this time. I love the way the students let go and step outside their comfort zones. I love the silliness and seriousness that soaks into each moment.

If you're reading this and have a minute, I'd love your prayers for safe travels; honest, God-filled conversation; and wisdom and discernment for all of us leaders as we talk with the students.

Whether it's 45 and pouring down rain or 65 and sunny, I can't wait for this weekend

thankful on a thursday

I feel exposed, and I don't like it. There used to be walls I could hide behind when life got hard or I didn't want to engage. I look around, searching for my self-built fortress, and all I find is the remainder of soggy cardboard boxes painted to look like stone. Its temporary and ineffective nature exposed, I find myself out in the open, standing on a rocky outcrop, staring out at the slate gray sea and stormy skies. Seeking protection from the impending storm, I look around amidst the soggy cardboard to find I'm standing inside the foundation of what will become something more, something stronger. A lasting fortress, not meant to keep people out, built to protect from the storms of this life.

1. In my emptiness, He comes in and fills me up.
2. Blue sky and sunshine in the exact spot I stood waiting for the bus this morning.
3. Early morning adventures full of grace and never-ending love.
4. The way praising Him always turns my heart around, reorienting me toward His Goodness.
5. The understanding that resurrection means NEW LIFE.
6. A weekend away with high school students, living, loving, playing and learning more about Jesus.
7. The smell of coffee early in the morning.
8. Living in Truth is better than hiding behind lies.
9. A weekend with my cousinsisterbestfriend in her new home.
10. The sound of the wind outside my window.
11. My story is not finished.

these are my confessions

Nish and her good blogging ideas...first it was Thankful on a Thursday, which I look forward to every week, and now it's public confession.

The first time I encountered confession outside of Catholicism was in Don Miller's Blue Like Jazz. I admired the way he wrote about it from a distance, never considering I'd experience it for myself. Fast forward to May of 2009 and, with two strangers during a prayer meeting at church, I confessed my sins out loud for the first time ever. After my confession, one of the women in my group affirmed my forgiveness, saying, "Haley, in Jesus' name you are forgiven." It was an incredibly powerful experience.

So, after reading Nish's blog today, I thought a bit of public confession might be in order. It's one thing to confess in the privacy of my own head, or in prayer with a close friend or two, it's another thing to post them on the internet. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but some of these confessions are relatively new discoveries. Putting them out there, being honest about them, is part of forgiveness and part of the freedom I want to live in.

• I am selfish.
• I have serious entitlement issues.
• I have a terrible relationship history.
• I am judgmental of others and myself.
• I listen to Lady Gaga, loving every minute of it.
• I use humor as a way to diffuse uncomfortable situations.
• I have a hard time forgiving myself.
• I am a prideful person.
• I have serious control issues.
• I struggle to see others as individuals, not projects to be fixed.

black friday

A few weeks ago one of the pastors at my church said, "When people ask you when you were saved, the correct answer is 'when Jesus died on the cross.'" I'd never thought about it like that before. I had always thought the Resurrection was the point. I was always searching for some personally definitive moment or experience that would define my moment of salvation, when in reality, just like God says, it has already been accomplished.

It is so easy to focus on the Resurrection because at that point there is rejoicing and glory. The tomb is empty! He is risen! But what about Friday? What about Saturday? What was it like to see Jesus on the cross bearing the full weight of sin? What was it like for Peter to deny his beloved Savior; only to later watch Him hang there—each breath requiring more effort from His frail, beaten body—dying? What was it like for the other disciples, who walked with Jesus so closely, who saw and heard more than we will ever know, to then see the life leave His body after crying out to His Father wondering why He had forsaken His only Son?

Selfishly I am thankful that I did not have to live those two days. It is difficult enough to sit and imagine what those 48 hours were like. My God is so near. Always. What would it be like to watch what could only have seemed like complete and utter defeat? How dark that Friday must have been. How lonely each of Jesus' followers must have felt—a loneliness deep enough to rip your heart in two as though it were the curtain of the temple itself.

thankful on a thursday

Full and empty all at the same time, that's how my mind feels tonight. Attempts to sort through my thoughts are easily derailed. I am overwhelmed by all the things on "Things to Sort Through and Figure Out" list. How do I make my way through all these thoughts? What is the best way?

Though it doesn't negate the inner confusion, gratitude provides much needed respite.

1. Francine Rivers' vocabulary.
2. Understanding a bit more HTML
3. Adventures with friends.
4. The way church lasts all day on Sunday.
5. His incomprehensible love.
6. The smell of freshly ground coffee.
7. Brand new running shorts.
8. Letters that arrive in my mailbox not my inbox.
9. Tickets to see Lady Gaga in concert.
10. Pictures of my lovely, sweet little niece that arrive at least daily via my phone.

hunker down and read this

A few years ago my cousin Lizzy sent me this book, Redeeming Love. I read it because I love her, not because I actually enjoyed the book. I was, apparently, a literary scholar at that time as was evidenced by my profuse criticism of the book...which continued throughout the years [just ask Erica.] The actual MESSAGE of the book completely missed me. Either that or I was too scared to pay attention. [Cough! Too scared. Cough, cough!]

It is a retelling of the book of Hosea, set in the midst of the California gold rush. I'm not saying you'll find it, 20 years from now, on some snooty best book of the decade list. What I am saying is that I'm reading the book a second time. It's been on my heart to pick it up again for a while, so I have. And it is beautiful. It is exactly what the title says it is, a story of redeeming love. It is the story of God's love for me. Love I can't earn. Love that is never-ending. Love I was created for. Love I yearn for. Love that is so pure it is only satisfied by Love itself.

"I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD."

I get trying to avoid that kind of love, not wanting to be drawn into that story. But I am made for that story. I am living that story. I can run all I want, but Love goes before me. Love is behind me. Love runs beside me. Love is waiting for me when I finally stop, exhausted from avoidance, arms open wide, rejoicing at my return.

thankful on a thursday

As I wrote last week's Thankful on a Thursday post I remember thinking, "next week's will be different. I will look back on this week and my desire to 'pop' and it will seem that months not days have passed."

HA.

HA.

HA.

While the distance I'd hoped for between myself and the pop hasn't grown much, I have found myself examining my desire to pop, the surface of the table, and the shape of my own half rubber ball. The examination is infuriating and liberating. I have realized that a key part of this desire to pop and my frustration at the lack of pop, is based on where I live my life. I am living from my condition rather than my position. I am living as a slave who has yet to be set free, rather than a slave who has already been set free.

What this is is the transition of head knowledge to heart knowledge. So used to being held captive, I am afraid to run forward into freedom. All the shoving and pushing and pulling cannot make this head knowledge become heart knowledge any faster. Trust me, I've tried.

My inability to run, to live from my position, does not negate my position, and for that I am so very thankful.

1. It is for freedom that I have been set free.
2. The conversations that happen around our dinner table.
3. The sound of rain on window panes.
4. Good music by an almost local band.
5. Wod. Fam. Choc. Sod.
6. The "Time and Beyond Time" chapter of Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis.
7. Tattoos.
8. The question, "What if?"
9. Struggling through big theological concepts with friends.
10. Gift cards.
11. Lady Gaga.

kicking and screaming

Can't I just throw myself on the floor and kick and scream and cry until my mascara is everywhere but on my eyelashes and my sweater is covered in snot? Can't I just be overwhelmed by the in-the-middle-ness of life right now? Can't I just sink underneath the waves of frustration and sadness at my inescapably humanness? Can't I just be the clay pot already; do I still really need to be in the refining fire?

Proverbs 3: 11 & 12
My [daughter], do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the [daugher] he delights in.

I struggle in this in between place wanting to scream to the heavens, "HAVEN'T I DONE ENOUGH ALREADY?! I'VE BEEN IN THIS PLACE FOR SO LONG AND THERE IS MORE STILL TO BE DONE!?"

There are the quiet whispers, "I am really angry with myself. My frustration is with myself. How long will I continue to hold myself back? Will I fail forever?"

Life is perpetually lived in the in between. So how do I live in the in between, enjoying the brief times of arrival and departure without giving into the discouragement of the overwhelming in between? I just want guaranteed step-by-step instructions. I just want to know I am doing this RIGHT. But that is missing the point. That is religion not relationship. And this relationship is EVERYTHING—or if I am really honest with myself, I WANT it to be EVERYTHING— to me.

Romans 7: 14-25 [The Message]
"I can anticipate the response that is coming: 'I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?' Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

"But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

"It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

"I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

"The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

thankful on a thursday

You know those little popper things? The ones that are like, half a rubber ball. You turn them inside out and they sit there on the counter...sitting...doing nothing...until all of a sudden *POP!* They flip up in the air and land sitting right side up. I can remember sitting, watching, waiting for that stupid popper to pop. Not wanting to look away for a second cause I'd miss it. Sometimes the urge to nudge the popper would come over me, and every now and again I'd give into that urge. You know what would happen? It would lamely turn right side out without first gracefully flying into the air and flipping over. I quickly learned that waiting for it to pop on its own was worth it.

That is how I feel today. I'm staring at my life, at myself. I am turned inside out. And all I can think is, "POP ALREADY! POP! POP NOW!" And what do I do? I sit. Inside out. There's a hint, here or there, of an edge curling, straining toward the pop. But no actual pop. I fight the urge to force myself to pop, poking at the edges of inside out me, knowing that forcing it defeats the wonder of the pop.

In the midst of this weird, inside out, straining to pop God overwhelms me with His goodness. And you know what? It's hard not to get a little annoyed. Cause really a pity party sounds really good right about now. "Maybe I'll just sit and stare out the window and mope for a second," I think. "Haley, have you noticed how beautifully blue the sky is today?" "Wow...that is really blue—hey! Wait a second, I was supposed to be moping!" "Really Haley? You're going to mope with a sky that looks like that staring back at you?"

As a result of all of this, my list this week is written a bit begrudgingly. Can you be begrudgingly thankful? Watch me try:

1. Watching the sunrise.
2. The blue sky outside my office window.
3. The way the colors yellow and gray go together so perfectly.
4. Conversations that make me grapple with what exactly it is I believe.
5. The smell of a newly purchased skein of 100% merino superwash.
6. The way God knocks at my heart asking me to trust Him.
7. Youth ministry.
8. High-quality, honest conversation with friends.
9. Good, dark, local beer.
10. The way the wind blows through my hair when I walk outside.

I don't think being begrudgingly thankful suits me. I'll stick with good old fashioned thankful for now.

love those kids, they need it

I just got an email from Imago's director of youth. Youth group is tonight and at the end of his email he reminded me to "love those kids, they need it." Reading it I was overwhelmed how true it is and how huge this blessing feels.

I can't believe this is what I get to be passionate about. I LOVE it.

ome

FULL.

ECLIPSE.

TRAILER.

Please to enjoy at Geeks of Doom.

thankful on a thursday

I realize this might be better if I posted something between my Thankful on a Thursday posts. But this week I didn't. Why? Because I was in LOS ANGELES visting Lizzy, Ashby, Dave, Katie, Drew, and Margie!! Maybe next week will be better. No promises, folks.

So here is this weeks list:

1. Deep seeded joy.
2. Laughter.
3. Geeking out.
4. New running experiences.
5. Holding two adorable babies [Ashby and Rowan] in one week.
6. Catchphrase at youth group.
7. Mani / pedis with Margie.
8. Lizzy Canales.
9. Car rides, runs, and conversations with Katie Henderson.
10. A hot water bottle warming up cold sheets.
11. This week's dailymile challenge.
12. My personal cheerleader and coach, Kathy Simpson.

thankful on a thursday

Since November I've been a leader with Imago Dei's high school youth group. There are so many reasons I love youth ministry, and every Wednesday night these students and the other leaders refresh and reinvigorate that love and passion God's given me. One of the leaders is a lovely lady called Nish, and Nish has recently started a blog [which you should totally check out!]. In her post today she started a new weekly list called "Thankful on a Thursday." I am, in her words, joining her in speaking words and breathing sighs of thankfulness and God's blessing. Here's my list of [at least] ten things for which I am thankful:

1. Legs that can and do LOVE to run.
2. The feel of soft merino wool wound around my fingers as I knit.
3. The way the sunrise looks from my kitchen table.
4. The taste and smell of coffee, and the mug I drink it from.
5. A weekend in LA to visit my beautiful cousinsisterbestfriend and her brand new baby, Ashby.
6. My cousin Andrew, who used his airline miles so I could get down to LA.
7. The view from my office window and the way the clouds make their way over the west hills.
8. A sassy new 'do.
9. The banjo pickin' goodness of The Avett Brothers.
10. The season of Lent and the encouragement to pause and reflect.

What are you thankful for?

a bit more than i intended

I may have cut off a bit more than I intended...

scars

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

my new favorite XXXXXXX

So I’m entering this contest. To win XXXXXXX.

Here’s the issue folks: I bought the XXXXXXX for these XXXXXXX because this is going to be my beach gift for CB10. And I don’t like to spoil surprises.

“Then why are you blogging about XXXXXXX, Haley?”

Because I get FIVE extra entries into the contest if I blog about XXXXXXX.

So this is me blogging about XXXXXXX. In August, after every one has received XXXXXXX I will gladly tell you all about the site and the designer and what the mysterious XXXXXXX are. And if I won them.

Additionally, if you are NOT a family member I will gladly tell you exactly what I am talking about RIGHT NOW.

uncomfortable

The world constantly says, "seek comfort." But if we're truly made to live [eventually] at peace in the presence of our Creator, then comfort in this world that is groaning for him is impossible and always illusive. I feel like my flesh and my spirit consistently fight over this longing for comfort. To satisfy the comfort my flesh craves I must die to my spirit, which seems like the worst kind of death. Alternatively, to satisfy the longings of my spirit I must die to myself. I struggle to understand the concept of dying to myself, but more and more I think it means acceptance of being uncomfortable. Because the lack of comfort that leaves my flesh unsatisfied is exactly what sooths my spirit. Even as I write this I am trying to find loopholes within the concept of dying to myself. It’s true, a loophole exists, and it’s not even something I have to look that hard to find. All I have to do is choose. I can choose to soothe this fleshly longing for comfort any time I want. But the more I choose to soothe my spirit, the more the comfort of this world seems to smother me.

A few years ago one of the elders at my church quoted C. S. Lewis, as he often does, during a sermon. He said, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." Today I get it. Today I understand that longing.

singing la la la la la

This is so stinking cute. These notes have been plinking their way through my mind since first hearing this song when I woke up this morning.



Happy Little Pea by Rabbit

dear running, i miss you

It's been a few weeks since I've been out for a run and I have to be honest with you: I'm going a little crazy. I got my gait analyzed [by Nike, going for a second opinion to an independent running store] and was told that my shoes aren't providing proper support. Maybe this is why my knee's been bothering me. Maybe this is why I don't like my newest pair of running shoes.

Whatever. All I know is that I miss running. A lot. And when I miss something I immerse myself in all things related to whatever it is I am missing. My good friends at RTR have kept me going during my running hiatus, and yesterday they posted a video that scratched not just my running itch, but my Christmas itch as well.

Please to enjoy...

sickie-gnar-gnar-pow-pow

DUDE.

DOOOOOD.

Do you even know what time of year it is? It is the time of year when my love of proper grammar and a diverse vocabulary goes out the window. It is the time of year I gaze longingly into the distance, hoping for the smallest glimpse of anything resembling a mountain peak. It is the time of year when I squirrel away my hard earned dollars, only to blow them on a few short hours spent flying down snow covered mountains.

IT IS SKI / SNOWBOARD SEASON B*TCHES.

Tell me this doesn't make your heart beat faster.

Tell me this doesn't make you want to blow off any and all plans you may have ahead of you.


Oh wait...*cough* I think I'm getting sick. *cough, cough*

Gonna have to blow off work to wax my board and get in some sick lines leave work early so I can get some extra rest and kick this cold.

sunsets and silhouettes

Sunsets and silhouettes fill up the window
No room for distraction
Nothing but indigo fading
into violet
into lavender
into a creamcicle
that, if it weren’t so cold, would sound perfectly inviting
Music twinkles along the back wall of my mind
As I sit,
Filling up my evening with color
Memory
Dreams
Absent from this sunset
where is your silhouette
It’s just me and these trees
And colors
Less creamcicle
More indigo
Until the sky is a sailor’s navy blue
And the twinkling music litters the sky

beat up

This running thing I'm doing, I love it. I love it so much. It feels good. It is challenging. It pushes me. It makes me stronger. But it is not without its sacrifices. Of all the sacrifices I have made for running the hardest one for me is the toenails.

**WARNING: Erica, below is a picture of my feet. You may not want to look.**

be reconciled

I have fought it for years, claiming impossibility, fear, and self-protection. Calling them reasons when in reality they were excuses—a protective barricade putting as much distance between the truth and myself as possible.

We are called to reconcile. I am called to reconcile, to BE RECONCILED. Not just for little things. Not just with people who are easy. I am called to reconcile with him. Claiming for years that this was my desire, but he made it impossible. ALL things are possible with Christ who strengthens me.

“Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” She who has been forgiven much loves much. I have been forgiven of much and I do love much. No longer hidden behind walls built from shoddy excuses, I venture forth to this unknown place of not just forgiveness but of reconciliation.

I am tired of this fortress I have built. I am tired of trying to hold it together with fear and excuses. Give me a trumpet and I will march around these walls faithfully. And when the seventh day arrives I will blow my trumpet and shout for joy as these walls come tumbling down.

video song

I'm kind of obsessed with this video song. And I'm kind of obsessed with Pomplamoose.

"What's a video song?" you ask.

Well, my dear friend, a video song is defined by Pomplamoose by two rules:
1. What you see is what you hear. (No lip-synching for instruments or voice)
2. If you see it, at some point you hear it. (No hidden sounds)

They've got some awesome originals. On top of that, they covered "Single Ladies."



Happy Wednesday.

Love, Haley

go big or go home

Well...I'm going to do it.

many parts, one purpose

I thought I knew what I was. I thought I'd figured out the part of the Body for which I was created. Yet suddenly this part of the body is foreign, like a transplanted organ, I am rejected. Believing myself cast out, I prepare myself for removal and disposal. The Surgeon lifts me up and examines me. "There is nothing wrong with you," He says. "You just tried to be an organ you are not. Placed correctly in this Body you will feel the Blood of Life course through you, and you will see the Body respond as you perform the function you were created to do. For a body cannot function properly without each of its organs. It begins to compensate for what is missing, working harder than it is meant to, but unable to rest."

TOMS + twilight

I love TOMS and I love Twilight. So when I was checking up on the filming of Eclipse I was very pleasantly surprised to find that Anna Kendrick [Jessica Stanley] returned to Vancouver BC for filming wearing a pair of TOMS.



I know, right?*



Yeah, that's a quote from of hers from Twilight.

heat rae [belated]

COULD I have made it through my teaching adventures in the Santa Cruz mountains without a like-minded friend?

Yes.

COULD I have made it through the craziness of that spring without someone who totally got it and told me I owed them $20 every time I MySpied the source of that hurt?

Yes.

WOULD I have wanted to go through those things [and more] without her?

NO.

Heather, my sweet friend, I am so thankful for your presence on this earth. And more specifically I am thankful for your presence in my life, and for the gift of your friendship. You are insightful and compassionate and honest. You aren't afraid of hard questions and you don't shy away from the crap life throws at you. "Because I know you, I have been changed for good."





PS. We sang "Beautiful, Scandalous Night" at church yesterday. I thought of you.

guest blogger

The lovely Kathy Simpson asked me to be a guest blogger on her site Kathy Runs. It took a little while a few months, but it's up. Check it out.

motivate me

When I run there are a few things that are guaranteed to motivate and inspire me. The ones that live out side my brain are:
1. Kathy Simpson
2. Kara Goucher
3. Kara Goucher's Endurance Mix that Kathy Simpson sent me
4. The weather
5. The person in front of me

Okay, so Kath and Kara, big inspirations, right? RIGHT. And Kath happens to be an avid Kara fan as well [remember Worlds?]. Imagine my elation [and small pang of jealousy] when Kathy sent me this:



AWWWW YEAH!

the retrieval project

I love art. I love tattoos. As such, tattooing is one of my favorite forms of art. I love discovering new tattoo artists and enjoying their work, whether it be by having it permanently displayed on my body or simply by looking at their portfolios.

Today I [sort of] discovered a new tattoo artist AND purchased a print of his AND got to support an amazing cause. I say sort of discovered because I have actually semi-knowingly enjoyed his art for quite some time. He is the brother of a friend of mine and has done several of her tattoos and some of her husband's tattoos, and I have long admired his work on them.

He and his family, due to various circumstances, had to move half way across the country TWICE in six months. As a result the majority of their belongings are still living in Minnesota while they reside in California. Because money is tight and moving is expensive, they decided to get creative about the retrieval of their belongings. They started The Retrieval Project. It is a collection of their artwork, available for sale, and all of the money goes to fund their moving expenses.

As someone who has longed for home, who has lived with most of her personal belongings boxed away in another state, I can empathize with the loneliness that this situation creates. So today I bought one of the art pieces from The Retrieval Project:



It will tie in quite nicely with my Avett Brothers concert poster Dan gave me, and the red will compliment the Nikki McClure print Rebs gave me for my birthday last year. AND even more than all of that, it will help a family in need of home.

To oooh and ahhh at the artwork of The Retrieval Project, check out:
The Retrieval Project

To purchase artwork that supports The Retrieval Project, check out:
Joe's Etsy Shop
Jenny's Etsy Shop

sunrise

I stumbled out of bed this morning, fumbled my way through a shower, and managed to find my way into some clothes. Upon opening the blinds I was A S T O U N D E D. I don't know that I have ever seen a sunrise quite like this. I wish I had some amazing picture I'd taken on my Nikon 365009824D, but I don't have that camera. Or any camera for that matter. What I did have at my disposal was the camera built into my laptop, and knowing the picture would be nothing close to the original, I took one anyway.

What a beautiful way to start the day...

sometimes life is a song...

Sometimes it isn't.

I am not particularly concerned about what anyone might think when I'm in my swimming trunks with them.

I did not get raging drunk with anyone [or by myself] last night.

Even still, this song* DOES feel fitting for a Thursday afternoon that finds itself at almost the end of a VERY FULL week.



*Duh, of course it's The Avetts.

derek & don

Derek Webb and Don Miller are men who, when God puts something on their hearts, they share it. They get it out. They put it out there. Even when it's not pretty. Even when it causes a ruckus.

Derek Webb's new album, Stockholm Syndrome, was released yesterday. I went for Tier 1 Physical + Digital myself and am listening to it on my iPod while I await the arrival of my CDs. Let me just say that I thought Derek Webb laid it all out there before. And he did. But this is a WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

And then there is Don Miller. Blue Like Jazz. Searching for God Knows What. Wow. I mean, he has more books, but those are the ones I've read. I never cease to be moved to laughter and awe at his way of opening my eyes up to new levels of understanding things I thought I already understood. His new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, comes out on September 29. BUT you can read the first 30 pages now. And you can even read them HERE. Not because I'm anyone special, but because he posted the code for it on his website.

worlds

I am awake. Right now. At 2:45AM. Why? Because Kara Goucher is running the marathon at IAAF World's.

And I'm not alone. I am watching it online with Kath, via Skype. I LOVE the internet.

life

Maybe it's just today.

Maybe it's listening to the Swell Season's new single.

Maybe it is Baby Stubblefield's hiccoughs.

Whatever it is I am overwhelmed by the beauty of life. Don't get me wrong, I know there is ugliness and pain and hurt alive and rampant in this world.

But today, TODAY I am overwhelmed by the beauty of life. Of creating life. Of new life. Of journeying through life.

listen

So I’m at work listening to recently uploaded Daytrotter sessions and I find myself wondering what people think when they hear the music I listen to. Do they think I have horrid taste in music? Then I wonder, “do I have horrid taste in music!?” To which I quickly respond, “NO. I have fabulous taste in music.” Then I start to think that perhaps the generic-almost-anyone-even-William-Hung-can-get-a-record-deal-these-days music culture / sound is ruining the eardrums of the masses.

benby

LIZZY AND DAVE ARE HAVING A BABY.

My dear, sweet cousinsisterbestfriend and her loving, wonderful husband are having a BABY.

I am BEYOND ecstatic, and my heart gets all full and my eyes fill with tears if I think about this wonderful life they are bringing into this world for much longer than five seconds.

I burst into tears when she told me. And then I shrieked and squealed and screamed for another few minutes.

Because when I think about this baby I don't just think about the wonderful blessing s/he will be to her/his parents or the blessing they will be to her/him. I think about the history Lizzy and I have. I think about what it means to have her as my cousinsisterbestfriend and to have her present for all but one year five months and nine days of my life. I think of our history, our family history and the strong bonds that we all share. And I am moved to tears and laughter because this is where we get to pass it on.

Sweet Benby [the nickname given to Baby Canales as they don't yet know if it is a boy or a girl, so it is a combo of the names they've chosen] and little Jonah get to be the first of this next generation to share these bonds we've been dreaming of passing on for so long.