Feb 28, 2011

fabulous friday monday video goodness—hey marseilles

I was tucked away in a snowy paradise all weekend, and didn't get a chance to share any of this loveliness with you, so I am sharing today. Hey Marseilles is a wonderful band from Seattle. They never fail to put on a fantastic show. Here is an acoustic version of what is usually a very upbeat song that involves some audience participation. I love the soulfulness of this. It gives the song a whole new feel.

Feb 24, 2011

thankful on a thursday—unzipped

If you asked me about the past three years I would tell you about pain, process, healing and redemption. I would show you my kitchen table, and the two chairs that sit there. I would tell you about gut wrenching sobs, tears spilling onto my lap, cheeks that burned with shame and embarrassment, and the exhaustion that would set in night after night. I would tell you about my roommate, a woman with more patience and the incredible gift of walking alongside you RIGHT, EXACTLY where you are without fear or judgment. I would tell you about anger, fear, resentment and jealousy. I would unzip the center of my chest and show you the scars on my heart.

This one is from June 2009. It took all of June some of July, to heal. If you look closely you can see it's really a series of smaller scars that melded into one.

This one was from a night in October. It was a old wound that had to be reopened so it could heal properly. It took me so long to admit that it needed to heal differently.

This one that seems as though it should have severed my heart in two? That's an old one, that's a daddy one. I think at one time my heart may have actually been in two separate pieces, but it is back together now, and beating stronger than ever.

I would tell you about healing. I would tell you the freedom of collapsing on the floor in tears crying out to Jesus, knowing that there is NOTHING in this life that I need more than I need Him. I would tell you about nights when tears were cried in joy and celebration. I would tell you about the lightness and laughter after the healing power of the Holy Spirit washed over me. I would tell you about the time in the shower I couldn't stop laughing because of the joke God told me.

I would tell you that these last three years have been some of the most painful, most challenging, most beautiful, most incredible years of my life. I would tell you that I have never felt more like myself and that I have never loved myself more. Not because I am better, but because I am broken and made new. I would zip myself up, look you in the eye and say, "I'm so thankful I don't have to hide these scars from you."

I am so thankful...
  1. Brokenness and the way He enters into every corner of it, shining His healing light and love.
  2. Friendships forged in times of trial.
  3. Snow, even if only for the morning.
  4. Snowboarding for the first time in THREE YEARS.
  5. First rail slides and my incredible cheerleader, The Mustachioed Woodsman, who high fived me each time I did one.
  6. A snowy weekend away with the youth group leaders in Glenwood.
  7. All day at the cabin with just The Mustachioed Woodsman, his dog and me.
  8. A new friendship full of love, joy and truth.
  9. The process of making pie crust.
  10. Laughter.
  11. An outdoor fireplace and a cup of french press.
  12. The same God who placed the stars in the heavens knows MY name, and knows exactly how to love me, and LOVES me.

Feb 14, 2011


They stood there, tall enough that I had to stand on my tip toes to see over them. Four walls of brick and mortar, built with my own hands. Built to keep me safe, built to keep him out, built for the purpose of protection.

Inside these walls that were supposed to offer safety, all I felt was alone. I could hear the emptiness fill this place, just big enough for me and no one else. “It’s better this way, just me. I’m safer without anyone else in here,” I told myself as I poured water into the powder that would become the mortar that held these walls together. “Not too big,” I thought as I laid out the footprint of the box that would become my home. “I don’t want people thinking they can come and stay.”

I'm writing at A Deeper Story today. You can read the rest of the post there.

Feb 8, 2011

fabulous friday video goodness—too good to wait until friday

Okay. This is awesome. JUST found his site* and it's pretty freaking good. And this video, and the specific blog entry it comes from are SO GOOD**. Because the way he describes sex and vulnerability, I think that's what we're all looking for. That's what we hope for. It's what Hollywood tries to sell, and fails because they're selling a cheap knockoff and calling it Prada. And maybe it wears like Prada for awhile, but sooner or later those polyurethane handles on your not so real leather bag are going to start peeling at the edges. And that imitation Prada doesn't hold together quite the way you hoped it would.

I could keep writing about this, but maybe you should just watch it.

*Found the site via one of my new faves, Lauren Nicole.

**He borrows from and expands on some ideas from Rob Bell's book Sex God [which is one of my favorites, beeteedubs].

Feb 7, 2011

it's kind of nice, talking

My lips are tight, and I cannot smile. Not a real smile, not a Haley smile. Just to the left of center on my lower lip, pulling the skin taught, cracked and aching, and the other almost perfectly centered between the corner of my mouth and the middle of my upper lip, five days closer to healed, a dull ache. I don’t know where you’ve come from or how you got here. There is nothing to do but wait.

Each time I try to smile, each time he makes me laugh, each time I start to speak, they pull. Serving as physical reminders of what I fear. You’re only pretty on the outside. You are ugly inside, and now everyone can see it. This isn't real. He won’t want you if you don’t have something to offer him physically.

But last night, last night I spoke the light of truth into that darkness. Confessed fear and insecurity. And was met with listening ears and more light. “It’s kind of nice, talking,” he smiled, glancing up at me while he diced tomatoes.

Feb 4, 2011

fabulous friday video goodness—welcome to fabulous las vegas

Brandon Flowers. I cannot get enough of him. I already liked The Killers. This is his solo project. I realized something last night as I was listening to Flamingo, his solo album, I LOVE it when bands to side projects. LOVE it.

Dustin Kensrue.

The Almost.

Seth Avett as Darling*.

And most recently Brandon Flowers.

This song especially is lovely, but the entire album is incredible. Also I am going to Las Vegas this weekend to visit Dad. I'm pretty sure I'll listen to this song up until they tell me I need to stow my personal electronic devices.

Please to enjoy...


thankful on a thursday friday—short & sweet

Okay. I had plans, y'all. I had plans to write a TOAT post yesterday. But here's the deal. I'm still a child when it comes to paying for internet [translation: I've been using someone's unprotected wireless for eighteen months awhile, and that little signal has disappeared. Lack of internet signal plus homemade pasta making with roommie plus laundry plus packing for a weekend in Vegas equals no timely TOAT post. Lo siento mis amigos. So here's my post, a day late.

This Thursday Friday I am so very thankful...

  1. For a weekend in Vegas with my Dad.
  2. For lunch in the park with good friends.
  3. For the way He can redeem ANYTHING.
  4. For new friends who desire to speak truth.
  5. For this post and for the truth of her words, "the more your heart breaks, the more of it becomes God's heart."
  6. For the way we are created to live in authentic community, that it is written into our DNA.
  7. For the way He knows me more intimately than anyone, and knows just how I am best loved, disciplined and refined.
  8. For breakfast with my parents and The Mustachioed Woodsman.
  9. For this community He's given me. I don't know how I ended up here, but I am so thankful for His placing me here.
  10. For a day in the kitchen baking love into pie for dear friends.