more faithful than the morning

The sky burned red and gold, clear and fuzzy all at once. Maybe it was my early morning eyes. Maybe it was Him whispering, “Good morning, beloved.”

It’s been so cold here this summer. Empty hands and quiet houses full of only the noises I make.

I’ve spent the summer missing other noises and familiar hands.

I’ve spent the summer longing for different noises and new hands.

But this morning, when the sky was on fire and it seemed like He and I were the only two awake, I felt His faithfulness wrap me up, pull me closer.

This morning when the sun shone bright, shades of spun honey and molten lava all at once, I remembered that I am the one who changes, that I am the one who is inconsistent.

He stands steadfast, ever faithful.

More faithful than the morning.

beautiful girl

You know those moments when you stumble upon a song and it's just absolutely perfect? That happened to me this morning.

fabulous friday video goodness—too good to wait until friday

Okay. This is awesome. JUST found his site* and it's pretty freaking good. And this video, and the specific blog entry it comes from are SO GOOD**. Because the way he describes sex and vulnerability, I think that's what we're all looking for. That's what we hope for. It's what Hollywood tries to sell, and fails because they're selling a cheap knockoff and calling it Prada. And maybe it wears like Prada for awhile, but sooner or later those polyurethane handles on your not so real leather bag are going to start peeling at the edges. And that imitation Prada doesn't hold together quite the way you hoped it would.

I could keep writing about this, but maybe you should just watch it.



*Found the site via one of my new faves, Lauren Nicole.

**He borrows from and expands on some ideas from Rob Bell's book Sex God [which is one of my favorites, beeteedubs].

greasy hair

I've got bags to unpack, greasy hair that needs to be washed (tomorrow, before work, I SWEAR), and dinner dishes that need doing. After a long weekend in the winter wonderland of Glenwood, Washington these are the LAST things I want to do. I want to sit on my couch and stare at the lights on my Christmas tree as I remember snuggling with my sisters and laughing with family over silly things that only families laugh at. I want to sip a cup of hot cocoa, curl up under a blanket, stay up too late and have it be okay because I'm still on vacation.

Real life starts tomorrow. But this long weekend of Christmas, of slowing down and remembering what this life is all about, has me thinking about how to do life a little differently. I'm thinking about finding making time for things that make my heart glow and my feet seem to hover a few inches off the ground.

First step: dishes in the sink.

Second step: make hot cocoa.

Third step: pjs and knitting.

thankful on a thursday—be still

When I can't seem to keep my head on straight, He reminds me to be still.

When dreams for the future vanish like the sun in the midst of an autumn rainstorm in Portland, He reminds me to be still.

When I am so tired I can barely drag myself out of bed, He reminds me to be still.

When nothing makes sense, He reminds me to be still.

He reminds me to be still and know that He is God. When He reminds me to know that He is God, I am reminded of His goodness. I am reminded of His promises. I am reminded of His jealous love for me. I am reminded of the lengths to which He has gone to love me, to intercede for me, to ensure that He is with me always.

In that stillness, if I listen, I swear I can hear Him breathe. I swear I can feel the warmth of His breath on the top of my head, whispering the love and kisses of a Father to His daughter. "Trust me. Abide in me. I love you, and My love is more than enough for all that you are going through."

1. The reminder to slow down, to be still and KNOW.
2. I have the best friends.
3. Bourbon and ginger ale.
4. Honesty in the midst of the messiness of life.
5. The middle, even though it's hard to live there.
6. My lovely cousinsister Katie has moved back to the Pacific Northwest.
7. I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even six months ago.
8. Warm coffee on rainy autumn days.
9. He who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it
10. This time to stop and be thankful each week, and my awesome friend, Nish, who started it all.

thankful on a thursday—His bride

These past few weeks have been amazing, so full of joy, love and excitement. These past few days have been challenging, full of doubt, fear and worry. In the midst of this doubt, fear and worry, He reminds time and time again that I am His. He reminds me that He is GOOD, that He is TRUSTWORTHY, that He is FAITHFUL.

I bathe my heart in the Truth of His Word. I soak in the richness of His promises. I drink deeply from the well that NEVER runs dry. I look up, an unworthy bride, into the eyes of the most faithful and loving Bridegroom I could ever hope to wed. He pulls back my veil and cups my face with His hands as His love washes over me with such force that, were He not holding me, I would surely be knocked backward.

I don't understand how all of this works. I don't have a map. I don't know where He is leading me. But I want to be led on HIS path, on the journey HE has prepared. I am not the one setting the course. I am the one along for the ride. And it's risky. There are no guarantees, but I trust Him. I trust that my Bridegroom will lead me safely through whatever we encounter. I trust that He will never let me go.

Today, friends, I am so very thankful.

1. His love NEVER fails.
2. The willing ears and reassuring words of good friends.
3. The way the sunrise never fails to remind me that His mercies are new every morning.
4. A week of autumn sunshine.
5. One last day without rain means one last day in sandals.
6. New races on the calendar and a friend to train with.
7. He is always interceding for me.
8. One way or another, the risk is worth it.
9. Waking up with a peaceful spirit two days in a row.
10. Watching my high schoolers act out Ruth 3 last night was priceless.

fabulous friday video goodness—you walk in with me, you walk out with me

I always find little gems when Nicole posts her Honor Roll [a.k.a. the things she finds on the interwebz that she just has to share]. Today is no exception. There was a video she linked to that's from NPR's Story Corps, and it was so lovely. It is part "When Harry Met Sally", part deep longings of my heart, and part "Ren & Stimpy". Before you watch it you might want to grab some kleenex.

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

do fun stuff

A while ago...almost two years I think...I stumbled upon a gorgeous picture of this pregnant mother, belly almost bursting out of her top, glowing with love for what she was growing inside of her. That picture was part of a maternity series, and that maternity series was photographed by her husband, Ryan. I began visiting Ryan's site to check out the maternity series. Then I subscribed to his RSS feed so I could read the posts he was writing and see the pictures he was taking between the maternity photos.

It was amazing reading about the pregnancy [my very favorite post, that I emailed to as many girlfriends as I possibly could, is this one.]. And the posts between the pregnancy posts were amazing. They were about life. They were about what it was like for Ryan and his wife Cole to be newly married. They were about what it was like for Ryan to be an expectant father, and they were about what it was like learning to be stepdad to Cole's son, who he refers to a LB [the Littlest Buddy because Ryan calls all his friends buddy].

Mid-pregnancy LB was diagnosed with SMS [Smith Magenis Syndrome—read more about it here.]. And from there, as I've read Ryan's blog, I—and all his other readers—have watched Ryan and Cole grapple with what it means to be parents of a kid with SMS, what it means for LB to have SMS, all the while doing it with the fierce love of parents who want the very best for their son.

After reading his blog, one thing Ryan most certainly is is driven. So when he decided he wanted to do something to help not just LB, but other people with SMS, it didn't take long for it to become this HUGE idea. What did Ryan do? Oh, you know, he got a bunch of his musician friends together and they made an album. WHICH DEBUTED AT NUMBER ONE ON ITUNES. Ryan's going to release an album every year on LB's birthday, and the proceeds of the album go to SMS research. Because right not there's not much information and there's not a whole lot of funding.

So. What does this mean? It means that if you're a parent and you have good taste in music and are sick of listening to Kidz Bop and Yo Gabba Gabba, there's a BETTER, AWESOMER album out there with music for your kids that won't make your ears bleed. You can listen to the album below, AND you can buy it on iTunes. Also, I love the birthday song. I kind of want to find a way to incorporate it into my next birthday.



PS.I'm late to the game here, friends. All the cool people blogged about it on Monday. I suffered from Notenoughpeoplereadmyblog-itis, but a run this morning, complimented by ruminating on how much work Ryan and his friends and family have put into this project, cured me real quick. Even if I'm the only one who buys it [and then gives it too all of my friends with kids for their respective children's birthdays], I still want you to know about it. K. That's it.

thankful on a thursday—all over the place

Today I feel all over the place. Almost every item on my to do list is only partially completed [except for planning my outfit for tonight, that I finished around midnight last night]. As soon as I start something I am distracted by some other thing, partially done, sitting on my desk asking me, "but what about me? Aren't you going to finish me?"

Perhaps it's because there really is too much to do. Maybe it's the Stumptown latte coursing through my veins. More likely it's trying to do everything all at once.

In the midst of the excitement of seeing a dear friend, attending what is sure to be an EPIC Lady Gaga concert, getting back into the groove of normal life after a crazy July followed by two weeks of vacation, and processing what it means to trust, believe, and accept God's unconditional love, I find myself—my feelings, thoughts, and life—all over the place.

That's what I love about Thankful on a Thursday. I get to pause and focus. Even if the things I'm thankful for are totally random and disconnected, this exercise in intentional gratitude brings them all together.

1. Seeing Lady Gaga in concert.
2. Five days with my high schoolers in Southern Oregon, hiking, rafting, and swimming.
3. All the conversations and things that took place between the hiking, rafting, and swimming.
4. Friends to run with on my long runs for the next TWO weekends.
5. Adventures and conversations with Katie on Sauvie Island.
6. Belonging to a church that lives out honesty, transparency, and grace even when it is hard.
7. A few quiet moments of gratitude and grace at His table.
8. Lounging around on familiar furniture, beds, and beaches with family.
9. Last night's voicemail from Erica Sue.
10. His love is present and true no matter what.

encouragement

After yesterday's mini-meltdown about not being able to run the half and being worried I wouldn't be ready to run the full, I was in the midst of venting to Kathy when I got an email from Kelly on dailymile*. If I was still on the fence about running the full, that email clinched it for me. Here were a few of Kelly's reasons:

1. You still have 12 weeks! That's plenty of time to get up to speed. I can help you with any training questions you have. We can also look for a training group in Portland.
2. There is no foul in walking. My mom did her first marathon walking the entire thing. She was the last to finish, but came in with tears in her eyes and a huge smile on her face. We can come up with a plan so that you walk every 15 minutes and still finish this thing.
3. Run to the nearest bar after 13.1. If you're not feeling good after 13.1, let's share a pint at the nearest bar. No pressure!
4. We'll be there to help you through it.
5. It's gonna feel really good to cross that finish line. One of the best feelings in the world.

He also suggested running in costume, but all I can think is how shrivelly it would feel to run in something other than running clothes. :)

Portland Marathon, here I come.

*Shameless plug: if you're not on dailymile yet, you need to fix that, stat!

CB10: the countdown is ON

Dudes. It is almost here. What's almost here?? The BEACH. That is what is almost here. Only 19 days.

N I N E T E E N D A Y S.

simpsoka

It's the second semester of my freshman year of college, first week of classes. I'm leaving class, walking side by side with a girl I've just met. I'm intrigued by her intelligence, her independence, and the spark that ignites when two people just get each other.

Fast forward a year and a half. It's the end of my second semester of sophomore year. School is about to start, and this same friend and I are headed to our respective homes for the summer, me to Vancouver and she to Alaska. Inspired by Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (yes, really), she suggests that instead of sharing pants we mail journals back and forth all summer. This remains on of my favorite highlights of our friendship to this day.

Another year and a half goes by and we are roommates living in three-quarters of a garage that's been converted into a small house. There are Saturday morning breakfasts, movie nights, road trips, quote boards, and memories that have faded into the fabric of friendship only remembered in the familiarity that exists between us.

After only six months of being roommates, she moves. Then she moves again, and I move where she is. We spend a summer hiking, biking and laughing our way through Skagway, Alaska and its surrounding wonders. And then summer is over.

Real life sets in. She moves. I move. I visit. She moves. I move. I move. She moves. I move. She moves. I move. She moves. And all of a sudden it's been several years since we've seen each other. How does life move so quickly? It doesn't feel like years because we talk every week. But when I think about the last time I SAW her laugh, not just imagined it as she tells me she's laughing over gchat, the time becomes evident.

On Friday the wait will be over. It will no longer be years since we've seen each other, and I cannot wait.

blog dreams

I feel like I should apologize. Like you, my faithful readers [ha. ha.] want to hear about what I'm doing for exercise.

I have dreams for this blog you see. They may never be realized, but I dream them nonetheless. I dream of posting bits of a novel I'm in the midst of writing. I dream of chronicling my knitting projects from start to finish. I dream of composing beautiful prose designed to bring glory only to my Maker [though, in all honesty I also dream that people will find my humility in that venture inspiring which probably means I'm actually prideful].

All these dreams and nowhere to put them. Because this blog remains a mishmash of whatever is going on inside this brain that doesn't sit still.

Maybe I should dream of a day when there is just a bit more time to sit, write, knit, think, create. Maybe then these dreams will come to fruition.