uncomfortable

The world constantly says, "seek comfort." But if we're truly made to live [eventually] at peace in the presence of our Creator, then comfort in this world that is groaning for him is impossible and always illusive. I feel like my flesh and my spirit consistently fight over this longing for comfort. To satisfy the comfort my flesh craves I must die to my spirit, which seems like the worst kind of death. Alternatively, to satisfy the longings of my spirit I must die to myself. I struggle to understand the concept of dying to myself, but more and more I think it means acceptance of being uncomfortable. Because the lack of comfort that leaves my flesh unsatisfied is exactly what sooths my spirit. Even as I write this I am trying to find loopholes within the concept of dying to myself. It’s true, a loophole exists, and it’s not even something I have to look that hard to find. All I have to do is choose. I can choose to soothe this fleshly longing for comfort any time I want. But the more I choose to soothe my spirit, the more the comfort of this world seems to smother me.

A few years ago one of the elders at my church quoted C. S. Lewis, as he often does, during a sermon. He said, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." Today I get it. Today I understand that longing.