We repainted and rearranged the office last week. Doing so meant we got to clean under, on top of, and around much that rarely sees a vacuum or dusting cloth. I loved it. Because I love cleaning. Especially when I am cleaning something other than my room / house. This major cleaning project brought to my attention my two new favorite cleaning products:
WHITE VINEGAR:
White vinegar cleans surfaces, floors, windows [oh my goodness, they sparkle!]. You need an empty spray bottle, white vinegar and water. Fill the bottle with a 1:1 ratio of vinegar and water [that means half vinegar and half water]. Spray on your dirtiest surfaces and enjoy the fact that you don't to wear gloves because it's just vinegar and water. You can also use it in your laundry! Add it to the rinse cycle [or be lazy and just add it at the beginning and you'll be fine]. It acts as a fabric softener and reduces static cling! It can also be used to pre-treat stains. Bonus: Enjoy the fact that vinegar is approximately $4.00 / gallon.
BAKING SODA:
Baking soda is an abrasive. It cleans things you would normally clean with Ajax or Comet [except maybe toilets*]. It is also incredibly satisfying to use in white sinks or tubs because it becomes this really grimy color as whatever you are cleaning gets brighter and whiter. It's also fantastic at making stainless steel pans gleam. Bonus: It's a deodorizer so instead of a kitchen or bathroom that smells like bleach, it just smells so fresh and so clean, clean.
Seriously. These two products are incredible. Buy them.
Use them.
Love them.
*Method makes wonderful toilet cleaner and soap scum spray. They're natural and don't hurt the groundwater. With all the money you'll save buying baking soda and white vinegar you can splurge a bit on the Method products.
Feb 10, 2009
Feb 6, 2009
dreary and tired
It is dreary out today. And I am tired.
I think most of this tiredness would go away if I could just enjoy this dreary day the way it is meant to be enjoyed: outside, wearing rainboots, stomping through puddles, with a hot cup of cocoa waiting at the end.
When my sister Lauren and I were little we would go outside and play in the rain together. We had this idea that if we were soaking wet enough our mom would make us hot chocolate. So as we made our way home, no matter how wet we were from playing in the rain, we would stop under trees and take turns shaking water from the leaves onto one another. We would find hedges and roll along them, attempting to absorb as much water into our already wet clothes as we could.
Sometimes we got hot chocolate. Sometimes we didn't. I wonder why we didn't just ask if we could have some.
I think most of this tiredness would go away if I could just enjoy this dreary day the way it is meant to be enjoyed: outside, wearing rainboots, stomping through puddles, with a hot cup of cocoa waiting at the end.
When my sister Lauren and I were little we would go outside and play in the rain together. We had this idea that if we were soaking wet enough our mom would make us hot chocolate. So as we made our way home, no matter how wet we were from playing in the rain, we would stop under trees and take turns shaking water from the leaves onto one another. We would find hedges and roll along them, attempting to absorb as much water into our already wet clothes as we could.
Sometimes we got hot chocolate. Sometimes we didn't. I wonder why we didn't just ask if we could have some.
Jan 28, 2009
her morning elegance
I was made aware of this beautiful piece of creativity after reading Reb's most recent blog post. I have been listening to it over and over all day. I have been sneaking glances at it in between projects.
It makes me dream of love, makes me long for love.
It makes me wish I was surrounded by yarn instead of files, makes me wish I had paintbrushes in my hands instead of a keyboard under my fingers.
It makes me want to nest, makes me want to create.
It makes me want to surround myself with sweet music, beautiful people, and lovely things.
It makes me want to have you over for tea and scones while the rain drops fall and time passes by, deliciously sweet, as it can only pass for those who understand the precious dreams written in each others hearts.
It makes me dream of love, makes me long for love.
It makes me wish I was surrounded by yarn instead of files, makes me wish I had paintbrushes in my hands instead of a keyboard under my fingers.
It makes me want to nest, makes me want to create.
It makes me want to surround myself with sweet music, beautiful people, and lovely things.
It makes me want to have you over for tea and scones while the rain drops fall and time passes by, deliciously sweet, as it can only pass for those who understand the precious dreams written in each others hearts.
Jan 24, 2009
they say it's your birthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SISTERPOOP!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
I am beyond thankful for you. There are no words that come close to describing just how very much I love you and how much you mean to me. But, of course, I am going to try. You are such an incredible human being. It is a privilege to be your sister, your friend, and to accompany you on your journey. I cannot believe you are TWENTY-THREE. I'm not quite sure how that happened.
I love you. By some miracle I go not just what I wanted, but what I needed. Thank you so much for who you are.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SISTERPOOP!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
I am beyond thankful for you. There are no words that come close to describing just how very much I love you and how much you mean to me. But, of course, I am going to try. You are such an incredible human being. It is a privilege to be your sister, your friend, and to accompany you on your journey. I cannot believe you are TWENTY-THREE. I'm not quite sure how that happened.
I love you. By some miracle I go not just what I wanted, but what I needed. Thank you so much for who you are.
Jan 23, 2009
thomas kinkade
I cannot stand the paintings of Thomas Kinkade*. Painter of light my ass. They always seem so phoney. Like really bad photoshopping, but with paint. Really, have you ever seen a Tudor cottage with a working waterwheel in a meadow with the sun shining just so? Neither have I. Also, he looks creepy.
But. This morning, on my way to work. I saw it. I saw what good old Tom has been trying to paint for years. But it was beautiful because it was real. There was no Tudor style cottage. No ridiculous meadow or century old street with glowing gas lamps. Just pinks and oranges peeking through gray clouds and fog that hovered above the small sail, house, and motorboats docked on a small tributary of the Columbia River. The sunlight was splayed out in front of these various boats as it was reflected on the water.
Just real sunlight. Real clouds. Real fog. Real boats. And real beauty.
*If Thomas Kinkade is your favorite painter then I have two things to say to you:
1. No offense.
2. Let's go to a real art museum sometime and get you educated.
But. This morning, on my way to work. I saw it. I saw what good old Tom has been trying to paint for years. But it was beautiful because it was real. There was no Tudor style cottage. No ridiculous meadow or century old street with glowing gas lamps. Just pinks and oranges peeking through gray clouds and fog that hovered above the small sail, house, and motorboats docked on a small tributary of the Columbia River. The sunlight was splayed out in front of these various boats as it was reflected on the water.
Just real sunlight. Real clouds. Real fog. Real boats. And real beauty.
*If Thomas Kinkade is your favorite painter then I have two things to say to you:
1. No offense.
2. Let's go to a real art museum sometime and get you educated.
Jan 21, 2009
no ducks
I heard back from the University of Oregon last week. By email.
"Dear Haley Cloyd,
We regret to inform you that your application for admission to the Counseling Psychology Program at the University of Oregon was not accepted."
Et cetera.
Eight spots. One hundred sixty applicants. Statistically speaking it makes sense.
I am still a little pissed. My ego is [definitely] still a little bruised. But people get rejected from graduate programs all the time.
I was just hoping I would be one of the few who was spared from that particular form of rejection.
It is far too easy to wallow when I think about that email. [Yes, email.] But the fact of the matter is that I DO NOT WANT TO WALLOW.
I want to continue looking forward, squinting at the sun that is slowly rising above my horizon, shedding light onto my future that has been waiting in shadow.
"Dear Haley Cloyd,
We regret to inform you that your application for admission to the Counseling Psychology Program at the University of Oregon was not accepted."
Et cetera.
Eight spots. One hundred sixty applicants. Statistically speaking it makes sense.
I am still a little pissed. My ego is [definitely] still a little bruised. But people get rejected from graduate programs all the time.
I was just hoping I would be one of the few who was spared from that particular form of rejection.
It is far too easy to wallow when I think about that email. [Yes, email.] But the fact of the matter is that I DO NOT WANT TO WALLOW.
I want to continue looking forward, squinting at the sun that is slowly rising above my horizon, shedding light onto my future that has been waiting in shadow.
Jan 18, 2009
Jan 17, 2009
what i read...
Why does it take so long for those blogs to update?
Because I KNOW that Erica has new pictures up. But it says that her site was updated three days ago. Lies.
Grrr.
Because I KNOW that Erica has new pictures up. But it says that her site was updated three days ago. Lies.
Grrr.
oh my gosh! it's eight o'clock!
I was never much for sleeping in. Even when I was a teenager. Sure, I had my days where I managed to sleep till 10:00 or even 11:00. There may have even been a day or two where I actually woke up when the post meridian hours, but those few instances were usually due to my staying up until 3:00 or 4:00.
After a week full of falling asleep after 23:00 [11:00PM] and mornings of my alarm waking me before 5:30, it was delightful to know there would be no semi-melodic-bad-90s-synth music coming from my phone at hours too early for pretty faces to be awake. Instead I fell asleep to "Arrested Development" next to my wonderful sister Clare.
Really, she is delightful and one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, and also one of my favorite bed buddies. When we [both] still lived at home we had separate rooms, but frequently ended up having mid-week sleep overs. It was something our parents would not have allowed with any other friend because it was a school night, but we were sisters, so it was like a loophole.
Last night after a long work week I huffed it over to the train station dragging my too-full suitcase, laptop and purse. One on time [for once], three and a half hour train ride later my lovely sister met me at the King Street Train Station in Seattle, Washington. There were hugs, love, Arrested Development, and we even managed to sleep in until the beautiful hour of 8:00.
After a week full of falling asleep after 23:00 [11:00PM] and mornings of my alarm waking me before 5:30, it was delightful to know there would be no semi-melodic-bad-90s-synth music coming from my phone at hours too early for pretty faces to be awake. Instead I fell asleep to "Arrested Development" next to my wonderful sister Clare.
Really, she is delightful and one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, and also one of my favorite bed buddies. When we [both] still lived at home we had separate rooms, but frequently ended up having mid-week sleep overs. It was something our parents would not have allowed with any other friend because it was a school night, but we were sisters, so it was like a loophole.
Last night after a long work week I huffed it over to the train station dragging my too-full suitcase, laptop and purse. One on time [for once], three and a half hour train ride later my lovely sister met me at the King Street Train Station in Seattle, Washington. There were hugs, love, Arrested Development, and we even managed to sleep in until the beautiful hour of 8:00.
Jan 15, 2009
particular
I am very particular, when given the option, about the mug from which I drink my coffee [and maybe about a few...okay more than a few other things]. There was a time when Genesis had a large bin full of old mugs. The Genesis family members could drink their Sunday morning coffee from those mugs instead of using styrofoam, and later paper, cups. I had a favorite mug in those days. I used to keep it at my desk during the week because I enjoyed drinking from it so much.
Then one day it disappeared. I was sad, but in the chaos of packing to leave I didn't think too much about it. And it saved me the guilt I would have felt if I'd taken the mug as a souvenir. I discovered later that one of those near and dear to me had a similar thought and kept if for herself in memory of me and my love for it:
That would be Mrs. Erica Sue Stubblefield, folks. I remember discovering her thievery after leaving California and being so touched.
This last weekend while staying at her house I went to the cupboard to find the perfect mug for tea [throat coat in particular because I did so much talking with friends my throat was sore]. I had completely forgotten that she had the mug at her house and was so excited to revisit it. I used it for all my beverages that weekend. I even took a commemorative picture:
Yes. It is [almost] exactly like Erica's. Yes. That is on purpose.
I love you friend, in all your thievery. And even though Santa Cruz was lonely without you, this mug helped keep my metaphorical cup very full.
Then one day it disappeared. I was sad, but in the chaos of packing to leave I didn't think too much about it. And it saved me the guilt I would have felt if I'd taken the mug as a souvenir. I discovered later that one of those near and dear to me had a similar thought and kept if for herself in memory of me and my love for it:
That would be Mrs. Erica Sue Stubblefield, folks. I remember discovering her thievery after leaving California and being so touched.
This last weekend while staying at her house I went to the cupboard to find the perfect mug for tea [throat coat in particular because I did so much talking with friends my throat was sore]. I had completely forgotten that she had the mug at her house and was so excited to revisit it. I used it for all my beverages that weekend. I even took a commemorative picture:
Yes. It is [almost] exactly like Erica's. Yes. That is on purpose.
I love you friend, in all your thievery. And even though Santa Cruz was lonely without you, this mug helped keep my metaphorical cup very full.
santa cruz, l + c, and sunshine
I had the chance to go to Santa Cruz this last weekend to celebrate two of my friends getting married. It was wonderful, and amazing, and sunny, and full of time with places I love and have missed. Most importantly though it was filled with PEOPLE I love and miss.
I spent Friday mostly by myself enjoying [too much] coffee from Verve, tacos from the Palomar taco bar, and the sights and sounds of downtown Santa Cruz. I'd forgotten about all the drum circles and impromptu jam sessions that take place on all available street corners and benches, and what a willing audience they find in the folks that stroll along Pacific. I also ran into [a.k.a. total divine appointment] to Kim Brunenger at Verve. I was starting my third cup of coffee and just on my way out when I saw her. It was...a gift really. Our conversation was an incredible introduction to my weekend in Santa Cruz.
Lacy and Christian's wedding was the impetus for my trip, and it was such a beautiful celebration of their love and commitment to each other. Highlights from the wedding:
Chance [Lacy's nephew, the ring bearer] walking dejectedly down the aisle pulling faces at every camera trying to get a decent picture of him in a six year old sized tux.
The look on Christian and Lacy's faces when they saw each other at opposite ends of the church as she walked down the aisle to him.
The vows they wrote for each other.
Communion AND footwashing.
Lacy's beautiful song/toast for Christian. Over half of the words were "I love you" and she belted them out beautifully, unashamed to proclaim her love for him to any and everyone who would listen.
The look on Christian's face as Lacy sang to him, you could tell there was no one else in the room.
Saturday was a whirlwind. Coffee and breakfast with Rebs. Lunch with Hannah and a nap on their couch that saved my life. A walk in 70 degree weather along West Cliff with Smarsh. Dinner at Malabar with Jody. It was a day full of hugs, laughter, and love. I could not have asked for a more perfect Saturday.
Sunday was coffee with Amy, Genesis, and old friends I've missed so much. [Nancy Broxton, I am talking about YOU my dear!] It was such a gift to hear Charlie teach in person rather than with earbuds shoved in my ears on the bus as I do with the Genesis podcasts. Then Charlie Hong Kong's with Jamie and Adrian...LOVE them!
The entire weekend was made wonderfully bittersweet by the physical absence/emotional presence of the Stubblefields. They were down south for a different wedding and were so generous with their home [where I stayed] and their car [which I drove]. They provided me with a place to be quiet and to process all the emotions that went along with visiting my old home.
I spent Friday mostly by myself enjoying [too much] coffee from Verve, tacos from the Palomar taco bar, and the sights and sounds of downtown Santa Cruz. I'd forgotten about all the drum circles and impromptu jam sessions that take place on all available street corners and benches, and what a willing audience they find in the folks that stroll along Pacific. I also ran into [a.k.a. total divine appointment] to Kim Brunenger at Verve. I was starting my third cup of coffee and just on my way out when I saw her. It was...a gift really. Our conversation was an incredible introduction to my weekend in Santa Cruz.
Lacy and Christian's wedding was the impetus for my trip, and it was such a beautiful celebration of their love and commitment to each other. Highlights from the wedding:
Chance [Lacy's nephew, the ring bearer] walking dejectedly down the aisle pulling faces at every camera trying to get a decent picture of him in a six year old sized tux.
The look on Christian and Lacy's faces when they saw each other at opposite ends of the church as she walked down the aisle to him.
The vows they wrote for each other.
Communion AND footwashing.
Lacy's beautiful song/toast for Christian. Over half of the words were "I love you" and she belted them out beautifully, unashamed to proclaim her love for him to any and everyone who would listen.
The look on Christian's face as Lacy sang to him, you could tell there was no one else in the room.
Saturday was a whirlwind. Coffee and breakfast with Rebs. Lunch with Hannah and a nap on their couch that saved my life. A walk in 70 degree weather along West Cliff with Smarsh. Dinner at Malabar with Jody. It was a day full of hugs, laughter, and love. I could not have asked for a more perfect Saturday.
Sunday was coffee with Amy, Genesis, and old friends I've missed so much. [Nancy Broxton, I am talking about YOU my dear!] It was such a gift to hear Charlie teach in person rather than with earbuds shoved in my ears on the bus as I do with the Genesis podcasts. Then Charlie Hong Kong's with Jamie and Adrian...LOVE them!
The entire weekend was made wonderfully bittersweet by the physical absence/emotional presence of the Stubblefields. They were down south for a different wedding and were so generous with their home [where I stayed] and their car [which I drove]. They provided me with a place to be quiet and to process all the emotions that went along with visiting my old home.
Jan 7, 2009
patronage
When I was in fourth grade Maggie Ross's dad [not Bob Ross, sorry] would come and teach us about art, artists, and art history. One of the many things we learned, and one of the few things I can remember along with the fact that Van Gogh cut his ear off because of a woman, was that it was common for artists to be sponsored by popes, monarchs and the aristocracy. During long days at the office while attempting to encourage brain function through stimulation of the creative juices, I wander to various fashion blogs, knitting sites, and flickr pages. In one such wandering this morning I started thinking about patronage of the arts and what a shame it is that such practices have, aside from politics, gone by the wayside. I would love it if someone would pay me to knit, pay me to be creatively inspired. I know it is possible to do these things without some exorbitantly wealthy benefactor, but then it lacks a certain romanticism. And, along with spending my days engrossed in creative pursuits, it is the romanticism that attracts me.
Jan 1, 2009
recap
At the dawn of 2008 I looked at the new year in front of me and saw 366 days [it was a leap year] playing out differently than they actually did. I thought I would be engaged. I thought I would be living in my own miraculously affordable studio somewhere in Santa Cruz. I thought I would be enrolled part-time in Western Seminary's MFT program. I thought a thousand other things I no longer recall because as 2008 progressed I felt upside down, inside out, and backward--every direction but right side up and forward facing.
Here are the highlights of 2008, and by highlights I do not necessarily mean bright, shiny, and happy. I mean significant, transformative, and necessary.
PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND: I brought my significant other with me to Portland to meet and spend more time with people I believed he would one day soon call his family. Instead of ending the weekend together, excited about what lay ahead of US, I ended the weekend by separating myself from him and and returning to Santa Cruz as a ME instead of a WE. Erica met me at the airport and before we'd spent even an hour together she asked me when I'd be moving away from Santa Cruz. The blunt honesty, love, and truth present in that evening helped me make sense of what lay ahead and assured me that I had at least one person who understood me and what were my inevitable next steps.
ANNE LAMOTT, LIZ GILBERT, AND THE HAIRCUT: My mom, her best friend, my cousin Lizzy, my aunt Margie, Erica, and I were all able to meet up and listen to Anne Lamott and Liz Gilbert speak one night in April. Prior to listening to the wonderful Anne and Liz, Margie, Lizzy, Erica and I met up and had lunch and I chopped off a large portion of my golden locks. The importance of each of those relationships, and the outward symbol of change that new haircut conveyed helped me survive my last month in Santa Cruz. My heart wasn't ready to let go, but the time with each of them and the constant visual reminder that my life had changed course helped in the healing.
FROM SJC TO PDX: Just recalling the experience of standing in the security line, looking over my shoulder at Erica and Craig as they watched me leave makes me cry. Willingly leaving friends who became, who still are, family, is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Leaving not because I necessarily wanted to, but because it was what life required if I wanted to move forward, was terrifying.
LETTERS: The written correspondence between people in Santa Cruz and me has been wonderful, hard, and healing. Their letters always seemed to arrive at just the right [though sometimes it seemed wrong] time. Their letters remind[ed] me that the people I left behind in Santa Cruz are here to stay.
GRES AND GRAD SCHOOL APPLICATIONS: I have written more than a few words on the process of studying for, worrying about, and taking the GREs. I have spent more than a few hours writing and editing my applications for Portland State and the University of Oregon. Both processes terrified me, and the completion of each was encouraging and still more terrifying. With applications complete and in the hands of the appropriate committees, I await acceptance and rejection, unsure of which I will receive and hoping and praying only for the former.
The year 2008 has been more than I ever imagined. It has been a hard year. But it has also been a good year. It has been a year of trust, faith, and perseverance. I could not have made it through 2008 alone. Even if by some miracle I had been able to, I would not have wanted to do it without the friends and family who have walked alongside me, pushed me forward, and guided me when my eyes were squeezed shut out of fear or blinded by tears.
I don't know what I did to deserve any of you, and I cannot imagine my life without you. In alphabetical order, because it would be impossible to organize you all any other way [except perhaps by date of acquaintance]
CLARE: Thank you for reminding me to trust myself. Thank you for reminding me that I shine.
ERICA: Thank you for picking me up from the airport. Thank you for letters, phone calls, and long distance love that makes it feel like you're sitting right next to me. Thank you for being unafraid of walking down the paths of "what if." Thank you for creatively and spiritually inspiring me each and every day.
HEATHER: Thank you for our VCOCs. Thank you for your intellectual inspiration and encouragement. Thank you for wanting to wait to visit me until I have my own place. Thank you for getting me.
KITZ: Thank you for the phone calls and the phone tag. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for our conversation as we walked along the beach this summer. Thank you for calling last night.
LIZZY: Thank you for every single text message, phone call, and kick in the ass. Thank you for tough love and gentle honesty. Thank you for pointing out my excessive use of passive voice and reminding me to confidently communicate who I am.
REBS: Thank you for your friendship. I did not expect that moving away would bring us closer. Thank you for sitting through the whole wonderfully rainy Avett Brothers show and for loving every minute of it. Thank you for asking the hard questions and actually wanting to know the answers.
SARE: Thank you for moving back to Portland at just the right time. Thank you for always wanting me to spend the night. Thank you for almost 27 years of friendship. Thank you for holding my hand, picking out my haircuts, and setting the bar high by marrying someone so wonderful.
SISTER: Thank you for holding my hand at the funeral. Thank you for coming to the beach. Thank you for being honest. There is no way I could ever be disappointed with you.
YONERS: Thank you for all the walks. They got me through those last months at TLC, seriously. Thank you for pig talk, heehars, kicking my butt at Cribiage, and being brave enough to move away from the familiar. You inspire me.
Thank you 2008 for kicking my ass and forcing me forward even when I was scared shitless.
Here are the highlights of 2008, and by highlights I do not necessarily mean bright, shiny, and happy. I mean significant, transformative, and necessary.
PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND: I brought my significant other with me to Portland to meet and spend more time with people I believed he would one day soon call his family. Instead of ending the weekend together, excited about what lay ahead of US, I ended the weekend by separating myself from him and and returning to Santa Cruz as a ME instead of a WE. Erica met me at the airport and before we'd spent even an hour together she asked me when I'd be moving away from Santa Cruz. The blunt honesty, love, and truth present in that evening helped me make sense of what lay ahead and assured me that I had at least one person who understood me and what were my inevitable next steps.
ANNE LAMOTT, LIZ GILBERT, AND THE HAIRCUT: My mom, her best friend, my cousin Lizzy, my aunt Margie, Erica, and I were all able to meet up and listen to Anne Lamott and Liz Gilbert speak one night in April. Prior to listening to the wonderful Anne and Liz, Margie, Lizzy, Erica and I met up and had lunch and I chopped off a large portion of my golden locks. The importance of each of those relationships, and the outward symbol of change that new haircut conveyed helped me survive my last month in Santa Cruz. My heart wasn't ready to let go, but the time with each of them and the constant visual reminder that my life had changed course helped in the healing.
FROM SJC TO PDX: Just recalling the experience of standing in the security line, looking over my shoulder at Erica and Craig as they watched me leave makes me cry. Willingly leaving friends who became, who still are, family, is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Leaving not because I necessarily wanted to, but because it was what life required if I wanted to move forward, was terrifying.
LETTERS: The written correspondence between people in Santa Cruz and me has been wonderful, hard, and healing. Their letters always seemed to arrive at just the right [though sometimes it seemed wrong] time. Their letters remind[ed] me that the people I left behind in Santa Cruz are here to stay.
GRES AND GRAD SCHOOL APPLICATIONS: I have written more than a few words on the process of studying for, worrying about, and taking the GREs. I have spent more than a few hours writing and editing my applications for Portland State and the University of Oregon. Both processes terrified me, and the completion of each was encouraging and still more terrifying. With applications complete and in the hands of the appropriate committees, I await acceptance and rejection, unsure of which I will receive and hoping and praying only for the former.
The year 2008 has been more than I ever imagined. It has been a hard year. But it has also been a good year. It has been a year of trust, faith, and perseverance. I could not have made it through 2008 alone. Even if by some miracle I had been able to, I would not have wanted to do it without the friends and family who have walked alongside me, pushed me forward, and guided me when my eyes were squeezed shut out of fear or blinded by tears.
I don't know what I did to deserve any of you, and I cannot imagine my life without you. In alphabetical order, because it would be impossible to organize you all any other way [except perhaps by date of acquaintance]
CLARE: Thank you for reminding me to trust myself. Thank you for reminding me that I shine.
ERICA: Thank you for picking me up from the airport. Thank you for letters, phone calls, and long distance love that makes it feel like you're sitting right next to me. Thank you for being unafraid of walking down the paths of "what if." Thank you for creatively and spiritually inspiring me each and every day.
HEATHER: Thank you for our VCOCs. Thank you for your intellectual inspiration and encouragement. Thank you for wanting to wait to visit me until I have my own place. Thank you for getting me.
KITZ: Thank you for the phone calls and the phone tag. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for our conversation as we walked along the beach this summer. Thank you for calling last night.
LIZZY: Thank you for every single text message, phone call, and kick in the ass. Thank you for tough love and gentle honesty. Thank you for pointing out my excessive use of passive voice and reminding me to confidently communicate who I am.
REBS: Thank you for your friendship. I did not expect that moving away would bring us closer. Thank you for sitting through the whole wonderfully rainy Avett Brothers show and for loving every minute of it. Thank you for asking the hard questions and actually wanting to know the answers.
SARE: Thank you for moving back to Portland at just the right time. Thank you for always wanting me to spend the night. Thank you for almost 27 years of friendship. Thank you for holding my hand, picking out my haircuts, and setting the bar high by marrying someone so wonderful.
SISTER: Thank you for holding my hand at the funeral. Thank you for coming to the beach. Thank you for being honest. There is no way I could ever be disappointed with you.
YONERS: Thank you for all the walks. They got me through those last months at TLC, seriously. Thank you for pig talk, heehars, kicking my butt at Cribiage, and being brave enough to move away from the familiar. You inspire me.
Thank you 2008 for kicking my ass and forcing me forward even when I was scared shitless.
Dec 19, 2008
update V: good news!
Today has been another wonderfully calm and quiet day with steady progress. Isaac continues to breathe with the tube, but the respiratory therapist said that he is doing most of the work on his own. He is waking more, although today he is sleeping very well in between rousing. We can all only imagine how tired he must be from willing his body to make it through the events of the last two weeks. Today they took him off of the sedatives, so he is down to nutrients, antibiotics and pain medicine. His body is performing all other functions on its own. Now he is able to get some much needed rest as his body heals.
Tomorrow they plan to wean him off the IV pain medicine, and try to focus on his breathing so that he can be off the tube and breathing on his own. His swelling is down dramatically and he looks like Isaac again. Even his coloring looks healthy.
Thank you all so much for your prayers. Lizzy's told me several times how deeply they've felt them. It is so good to come together and lift each other up to the Lord, in the good times as well as the bad.
Thank you friends. Love you so.
Tomorrow they plan to wean him off the IV pain medicine, and try to focus on his breathing so that he can be off the tube and breathing on his own. His swelling is down dramatically and he looks like Isaac again. Even his coloring looks healthy.
Thank you all so much for your prayers. Lizzy's told me several times how deeply they've felt them. It is so good to come together and lift each other up to the Lord, in the good times as well as the bad.
Thank you friends. Love you so.
Dec 16, 2008
update IV
Isaac is going to have surgery today to finish some repairs that needed to be done which could not be done when he was unstable. Today his Blood pressure is stable and his heart rate is still a little irregular but mostly stable. He is only on one medication to maintain his blood pressure normal. His blood count is up but his platelets (used for clotting blood) are slightly down. He is still on the respirator.
He opened his eyes today when Bebe [Isaac's niece, I think] was singing to him. Praise the Lord.
God has done so many miracles over the past week! Thank you all so much for your continued prayer!
He opened his eyes today when Bebe [Isaac's niece, I think] was singing to him. Praise the Lord.
God has done so many miracles over the past week! Thank you all so much for your continued prayer!
Dec 15, 2008
update III
The following was posted by Drea Canales, Lizzy's sister-in-law, on a website they've created for Isaac:
_______________________________
Good Morning!
Praise Report:
1. Papa made it through day 1 after 2nd surgery
2. His kidney's have started working quicker than expected.
3. His blood pressure is staying normal with less medicines.
4. Heart rate lower and body temperature is normal without heating blanket.
5. When the nurse tilted him to the side some fluids were released that were building up.
6. His blood count is stable/ bleeding stopped.
7. Papa is responding to stimulation although heavily sedated.
8. Papa wanted to get his appendectomy incision hernia repaired next summer. During his surgery, his doctor saw the need to repair most of that hernia. Unexpected bonus!
Prayer Request:
1. That papa continues to fight and improve.
2. Kidneys keep getting stronger.
3. Blood pressure to be normal without medication.
4. Heart rate and temperature to be stable.
5. Blood clotting to return to normal.
6. Pray for continued normal responses.
7. Pray for his nurses and doctors as they care for him.
Thank you all SO MUCH for all of your prayers!
_______________________________
Good Morning!
Praise Report:
1. Papa made it through day 1 after 2nd surgery
2. His kidney's have started working quicker than expected.
3. His blood pressure is staying normal with less medicines.
4. Heart rate lower and body temperature is normal without heating blanket.
5. When the nurse tilted him to the side some fluids were released that were building up.
6. His blood count is stable/ bleeding stopped.
7. Papa is responding to stimulation although heavily sedated.
8. Papa wanted to get his appendectomy incision hernia repaired next summer. During his surgery, his doctor saw the need to repair most of that hernia. Unexpected bonus!
Prayer Request:
1. That papa continues to fight and improve.
2. Kidneys keep getting stronger.
3. Blood pressure to be normal without medication.
4. Heart rate and temperature to be stable.
5. Blood clotting to return to normal.
6. Pray for continued normal responses.
7. Pray for his nurses and doctors as they care for him.
Thank you all SO MUCH for all of your prayers!
Dec 14, 2008
update II
This morning at 3:30 I received a text from Lizzy saying that Isaac was hemorrhaging. Then at 6:30 I received another text saying that he was out of surgery. They took more of his color and his spleen. Isaac is back in the ICU. He is stable but on life support. After talking with Lizzy yesterday I am even more convinced that, while there are physical issues going on, this is a spiritual battle and it is God's battle to fight.
Please continue to lift the family up in your prayers.
Please continue to pray for God's victory over the evil one.
Please pray that God's peace that surpasses all understanding would fill the body and spirit of Isaac, as well as his family.
Thank you for all of your prayers.
Please continue to lift the family up in your prayers.
Please continue to pray for God's victory over the evil one.
Please pray that God's peace that surpasses all understanding would fill the body and spirit of Isaac, as well as his family.
Thank you for all of your prayers.
Dec 13, 2008
from the front porch
I stand outside on the front porch and watch the snow mixed with rain fall sideways to the ground. The frigid wind whips through the trees and through my sweater and thin cotton pants. I tuck my fists into my armpits attempting to warm my fingers, as I gaze over the rooftops and grin and marvel at just how beautiful this scene is.
The temperature is below 40, there is snow and rain, it is windy, and I could not be happier with the weather.
The temperature is below 40, there is snow and rain, it is windy, and I could not be happier with the weather.
Dec 12, 2008
update
Please continue to pray for Isaac Canales, Lizzy's father-in-law. He had emergency surgery to try and stabilize his kidneys [which have been failing] and his blood pressure [which has been dropping]. He is an incredible man of God who loves his family and his Father so much. Everyone, myself included, who knows him has an overwhelming sense that this is not his time to go. It feels very much like a spiritual battle that is manifesting itself in physical form. I know that can sound "woo-woo", please know I don't take the concept of spiritual warfare lightly.
Pray for physical and spiritual healing in Isaac Canales.
Pray that his body would start functioning like it is supposed to.
Pray that his blood pressure would stabilize.
Pray that his kidneys start to function, cleaning out the toxins that have built up inside of him.
Pray for his tired body that is working so hard.
Pray for his family who are emotionally as well as physically exhausted.
Pray that hope and peace would replace fear and doubt.
Pray that Isaac would feel only peace and hope.
Pray that Isaac would be able to rest.
Pray for Isaac's wife Ritha who is tired and does not want to lose her husband.
Pray for miracles that come only from God.
Please pray.
Pray for physical and spiritual healing in Isaac Canales.
Pray that his body would start functioning like it is supposed to.
Pray that his blood pressure would stabilize.
Pray that his kidneys start to function, cleaning out the toxins that have built up inside of him.
Pray for his tired body that is working so hard.
Pray for his family who are emotionally as well as physically exhausted.
Pray that hope and peace would replace fear and doubt.
Pray that Isaac would feel only peace and hope.
Pray that Isaac would be able to rest.
Pray for Isaac's wife Ritha who is tired and does not want to lose her husband.
Pray for miracles that come only from God.
Please pray.
Dec 11, 2008
pray
The following is from a blog my cousin Lizzy posted this morning. Her father-in-law has been in the hospital with diverticulitis and kidney issues. Please pray for him and his family.
_________________
The bible says pray without ceasing.
Pray for Isaac who is in the hospital and not doing well.
Pray for his kidneys to improve.
Pray for the infection to subside.
Pray for all of my friends that are pregnant.
Pray for a job.
Pray for the future.
Pray for my cheerleaders who need so much more than a coach.
Pray for my mother in law who works without ceasing.
Pray for Dave's family who is afraid.
Pray for Miracles.
Pray for Judah James to keep gaining weight and get stronger.
1 Corinthians 13:12 (New Living Translation)
12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Praise for my home.
Praise for my husband.
Praise for opportunity.
Praise for a good pathology report for my dad.
Praise for new life in our family.
Praise for healthy babies and healthy moms.
Praise for the season.
Praise for the child that took the weight of the world on his shoulders and made everything somehow eventually ok.
_________________
The bible says pray without ceasing.
Pray for Isaac who is in the hospital and not doing well.
Pray for his kidneys to improve.
Pray for the infection to subside.
Pray for all of my friends that are pregnant.
Pray for a job.
Pray for the future.
Pray for my cheerleaders who need so much more than a coach.
Pray for my mother in law who works without ceasing.
Pray for Dave's family who is afraid.
Pray for Miracles.
Pray for Judah James to keep gaining weight and get stronger.
1 Corinthians 13:12 (New Living Translation)
12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Praise for my home.
Praise for my husband.
Praise for opportunity.
Praise for a good pathology report for my dad.
Praise for new life in our family.
Praise for healthy babies and healthy moms.
Praise for the season.
Praise for the child that took the weight of the world on his shoulders and made everything somehow eventually ok.
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