Mar 17, 2009

...or today

"Thank you for your application to graduate studies in the Department of Psychology at Portland State University. This past year the Department received a very large and well-qualified pool of applicants for its Masters and Doctorate programs in Psychology. Due to funding limitations, it was only possible to accept a small portion of these applicants into our program. Unfortunately, despite your strengths, we are not able to accept you into the program at this time."

Well...there you have it.

Yes, of course I've cried. Just shortly after writing to my dear friend Sarah that I hadn't cried yet, I closed my office door and let a few out. I'm sure there will be more later.

But here is what I know. I KNOW that being rejected by the University of Oregon and Portland State University is no accident. I KNOW that there is purpose behind all of this. There are things laid out before me to do that I would not have done if I were enrolled in either of those programs. I am equally and simultaneously overwhelmed by disappointment and peace.

Thank you all for your support, prayers, excellent editing skills, encouragement, and love. While I may have threatened relocation to foreign countries, fear not. It is not [yet] time for that particular adventure.

And so I leave you with the words that were the first I sought and clung to after reading Portland State's letter:

Psalm 13--For the director of music. A psalm of David.

How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

4 comments:

Lori said...

I found your blog!! I am sorry to hear that...I, like you were, am waiting to hear back from San Jose State for a grad program...we will soon find out...ughh I hate the waiting. Sounds like you are in a great place right now and I LOVED what you said about being at peace.

Haley said...

LORI! I'm so glad you found me! Or rather found my blog. :)

The waiting can be sooo hard! But there is purpose even in the waiting. Which is both true and annoying.

Let me know what you hear from SJS. What program did you apply to?

Lori said...

Yes, you are right..

I applied to the Speech Pathology program there.

I'm sure this is like any grad program out there..but last year they had over 200 applicants and only accepted 25...this year only accepting 20...YIKES! We'll see. I'll definitley let you know!

Haley said...

Oh yeah...I think I remember you saying something about that.

Well...know that no matter what they choose you are an incredibly intelligent, gifted individual whether you make THEIR top 20 or not.