thankful on a thursday—don't should on yourself

Shouldn't I have this all figured out by now? Shouldn't I know WHO I am and WHAT I want to do with my life? Shouldn't I be a responsible, well adjusted adult by now? In the words of my friend / pastor / mentor / former-boss Charlie (who was quoting someone else I can't remember), "Don't should on yourself."

I'm a planner, and I like to have ALL the answers, not just some of them. When people ask me about work, about what I do, about what I want to do, there's this knot in my stomach and my throat tightens just a little. How can I be honest AND positive? How can I make it seem like I have my stuff together, like I have a plan, like I'm okay in the absence of a plan.

This absence of a plan freaks me out. It takes SO much faith and trust that I will be led—that I AM being led. Some days it's easy to trust, and others I am a messy wreck. But in the midst of it all, He is still there to cling to, and for that I am so thankful.

1. My uncle starts chemo this week, and the doctors are not worried about him.
2. A lazy weekend.
3. A good night's sleep in my own bed.
4. The use of a car for two and a half weeks.
5. Epiphanies.
6. Friends, old and new.
7. Just because I can't sense God doesn't mean He's not there.
8. Library books.
9. Discovering a new coffee roaster.
10. Honest conversation.