you're pretty

Sunnies on. Hair in a pomp and pulled back. Sunroof and windows open. I am ready for what awaits me just a few blocks down the road at my crossfit box.

The light turns red, and I slow to a stop. In the waiting I hear the growl of a motorcycle. I glance over my right shoulder and investigate.

"You're pretty," he growls at me from astride his bike.

My heart sinks, but I know how this is supposed to go, so I smile politely and say, "thank you," knowing he doesn't understand; hoping thank you is enough.

"Boyfriend?" he asks.

My heart sinks lower because I choose not to lie, even though it would probably shut him up. "No," I say, polite smile frozen on my face.

"We should go out sometime," he says, inching his bike forward, anticipating my reply.

My heart drops. I fight the anger and the violation, polite smile still stuck on my lips as I shake my head and say, "No thank you."

The light turns green, and I am grateful for a way out.

My workout is a welcome distraction. The sweat pours down my face as muscles strain and push and pull as the growl of his motorcycle and the growl of his voice are pushed from my mind.

But it doesn’t change the freefall of my heart.

It doesn’t change the desire to scrub the encounter off my skin as I rinse sweat away in a post-workout shower.

It doesn’t change the ache of wanting something true, someone true, someone who sees more than blond hair and a pretty face.

The truth is, while some dude on a motorcycle might think he’s making my day, asking me out like that, he isn’t. He is instead affirming the lie that says, “you’re only good for this. You are too much in any other context.” It is a violation of who I am, of how I look, and of what it means to be in relationship with one another, to love one another as we would be loved.

So no, I do not have a boyfriend, and no I do not want to go on a date with you, and yes, I may be pretty, but I am much more than that.

I am made to be loved for more than that.

***Thank you to Emily, who helped me understand all of this in the first place, and to Preston, for raising hell.

unique and unrepeatable

Each one of us is a unique and unrepeatable miracle of God’s grace.

But I do not always feel like a unique and unrepeatable miracle of God’s grace. More often I behave as though God puts up with me because He made me and now He is stuck with me.

I'm posting over at Deeper Story today. You can read the rest of the post there.

worth reading 07.01.11

There's a lot of mindless crap out there, kids. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's the perfect distraction after a long day of trying to pack up an entire office and move it across town. And sometimes it's just crap.

Fortunately there are also some really good things* to be found on this world wide web. Here's my list of words I think are worth the read.

1. My dear friend Nish is going to Bolivia at the end of July with World Vision. Her post on the currency of human contact is beautifully written, and I cannot wait to read her words while she is immersed in the lives of the Bolivian people.
2. Okay. Pretty much ANYTHING you read on Love and Respect NOW is worth your time. Joy Eggerichs has the most beautiful heart for our generation. Seriously. Stop reading this post, go over to Love and Respect NOW, read a few posts [like this series or this one or this series], and if you feel like it you can come back here and read the rest of this list.
3. Have you heard of Max Dubinsky? Well educate yourself. Dude has got skillz and he loves Jesus. His post this week on What Men Really Want rocked my world in both a "dude, that was totes the most awesome" AND in a "that knocked me off my feet" sort of way. Ladies especially, please do this. I promise that it is not what you expect.
4. Forever a presence on these lists, I loved the way Lauren tackled the "but he's so nice / why don't you date him / it's not like you have to marry him" issue. She lays down truth about how we are created and how we value [or don't value] ourselves with the choices we make.

*Most of the people I list each week will be repeats because I find them to be fairly consistent sources of well-written, Truth laden writings. If that bores you, or if you think I'm missing someone, let me know.

thankful on a thursday—good giver of gifts

Okay. I get that part of the point of engaging in this weekly exercise of listing things I am thankful for is to remind me of how many reasons I have to be thankful. Since I've been a bit ridiculously absent on this blog for the last month or so, I haven't been engaging in this as much.

Then I was at home community on Sunday, and as we were going around sharing how our weeks went, what we wanted prayer for, and the ways God's been answering our prayers, I was bowled over by how faithful the Lord is. As we went around the room each person's words reflected God's work in our lives. It was incredibly encouraging.

And friends, I needed that.

So much.

I know that He is faithful. But sometimes my faith falters and I need more than just the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of what I do not see. I got that on Sunday in heaps and piles.

Five days later I am still reveling in His provision.

1. The people in my home community.
2. Running.
3. FOUR new leaders for the high school group. Such a HUGE answer to prayer. Seriously.
4. Watching my high schoolers graduate. I am so proud of the young women they are.
5. Summer in Portland.
6. Friends who remind me of what is best for me, even when it is hard.
7. A new crew of eighth graders moving up into the high school group. I cannot wait to discover who they are.
8. Better relationships with my coworkers. Some of these have been a very long time coming.
9. My friends. Seriously. How on earth did I get so blessed?
10. The truth that my value comes from being loved by a God as faithful and unchanging as Yahweh.

you are valuable

It is a process, this becoming. Becoming what. Becoming who. Becoming all we were ever intended to be. Becoming whole. Shedding layers of falsehood in order to pair down and simply yourself.

Be yourself as you were always intended to be. No worldly bells and whistles. Just you.

Head over to A Deeper Story to read the rest of this post.