worlds

I am awake. Right now. At 2:45AM. Why? Because Kara Goucher is running the marathon at IAAF World's.

And I'm not alone. I am watching it online with Kath, via Skype. I LOVE the internet.

life

Maybe it's just today.

Maybe it's listening to the Swell Season's new single.

Maybe it is Baby Stubblefield's hiccoughs.

Whatever it is I am overwhelmed by the beauty of life. Don't get me wrong, I know there is ugliness and pain and hurt alive and rampant in this world.

But today, TODAY I am overwhelmed by the beauty of life. Of creating life. Of new life. Of journeying through life.

listen

So I’m at work listening to recently uploaded Daytrotter sessions and I find myself wondering what people think when they hear the music I listen to. Do they think I have horrid taste in music? Then I wonder, “do I have horrid taste in music!?” To which I quickly respond, “NO. I have fabulous taste in music.” Then I start to think that perhaps the generic-almost-anyone-even-William-Hung-can-get-a-record-deal-these-days music culture / sound is ruining the eardrums of the masses.

benby

LIZZY AND DAVE ARE HAVING A BABY.

My dear, sweet cousinsisterbestfriend and her loving, wonderful husband are having a BABY.

I am BEYOND ecstatic, and my heart gets all full and my eyes fill with tears if I think about this wonderful life they are bringing into this world for much longer than five seconds.

I burst into tears when she told me. And then I shrieked and squealed and screamed for another few minutes.

Because when I think about this baby I don't just think about the wonderful blessing s/he will be to her/his parents or the blessing they will be to her/him. I think about the history Lizzy and I have. I think about what it means to have her as my cousinsisterbestfriend and to have her present for all but one year five months and nine days of my life. I think of our history, our family history and the strong bonds that we all share. And I am moved to tears and laughter because this is where we get to pass it on.

Sweet Benby [the nickname given to Baby Canales as they don't yet know if it is a boy or a girl, so it is a combo of the names they've chosen] and little Jonah get to be the first of this next generation to share these bonds we've been dreaming of passing on for so long.

coming soon

I can't tell you what.

And I can't tell you when.

But here is a sneak preview of something amazing....



Sorry about the size, click to enlarge.

sweet

While perusing my dear friend's lovely and creative style blog, I read about her adoration of the le love blog.

Which led me to do a bit of creepin.

Whereupon I discovered this video.

And it is just so very, very sweet.

ready

You know those tops that have dots or lines on top of them, and they make a geometric design as they spin round and round? That is my life right now. I'll be really honest: I LOVE IT. Life is moving forward at what feels like a breakneck pace. And instead of being terrified of the speed I am LOVING it. Each and every day as I sprint forward, hand in hand with my Guide, I find myself grinning from ear to ear, even as my heart is breaking and tears stream down my cheeks.

The strange thing is that I'm not surprised to find myself here. Perhaps it's because I didn't realize life was flying forward so quickly until we'd been moving like that for a bit. Perhaps it's because somewhere deep inside I knew my life was building to this point. I had a beautiful and rich three years in California, living close to the ocean, soaking up sweet, sweet time with framily. Just enjoying the lazy pace at which life [mostly] seemed to meander. And even as I meandered back to the Pacific NW it seemed that life would continue at a nice leisurely pace.

Little did I know that, just as I thought I was going to settle down into a nice comfy space, that was when I unknowingly slammed my foot on the gas. Somehow I managed to accelerate in a way that didn't shock or startle me at all, it didn't even mess up my hair. And yet here I am careening forward at this breakneck pace, smiling wide, tears streaming down my face, sometimes from the speed at which I am moving, other times because the things I am processing are painful and full of healing I have been longing for for longer than I could have imagined.

I don't know what is around the next corner, but I am ready. I have rested and learned all the things necessary for what is ahead. And I am ready.

getting ready

I go back and forth between thinking what I am going to do is HUGE and thinking it is no big deal. Regardless of my current mood, tomorrow I will be running my very first EVER half-marathon. I am excited and nervous. My clothes are laid out and I am about to pin my bib on the tank top I'll be wearing tomorrow. Who knew I'd love running this much...not THIS girl, that's for sure!

jonah michael

I cannot believe it. Somehow in the midst of everyday life my sister Val became a mother and I in turn became an aunt. I'm not quite sure how it happened. Not the baby making part, the mystery and wonder and semi-freakiness of bringing a new life into the world.

There we all were at the hospital for 32 hours [yes, THIRTY-TWO HOURS]. Waiting for an update, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Doing something almost constantly, cards, speed scrabble, bad TV, reading, eating, talking, just to keep busy, to fill the space as we waited.

And then he arrived.

And everything stopped.

We hovered outside the delivery room waiting for the telltale wail, and as we heard it we heard my beautiful sister Val cry, "My baby! My sweetheart."



Jonah Michael
7lbs 11ozs
19in
3:24P 20 June 2009

present

I am a BIG fan of The Avett Brothers.

DUH.

Maybe you haven't taken time to watch those videos I posted. Maybe you think I'm weird for getting all crazy about a band. Maybe you're just busy.

Make space. Make time. Find five minutes and listen to the first single from their new album, both called I and Love and You. You can download it for free, so do it.

flattered

I don't know about you, but I have bloggers that I LOVE reading. I love the ways their minds work. Sometimes because they are so different from mine that I sit puzzling over what it is they've just said. Sometimes because they express themselves in ways I GET instantaneously. They are thought provoking, irreverent, beautiful, and a multitude of other adjectives. So when one of these bloggers decides to respond to a comment I've made on their blog [like Glenna C. did about the Viper Pilot socks] I get a little giddy. And when Pacing The Panic Room [a.k.a. Ryan, do yourself a favor and READ him] decides to mosey over my way and check out my ramblings, even comment on a few of them, I get all happy.

Because mostly I just write because I love to write and because I love words and expressing myself with them. And I write because I have loved ones who don't live a close as my heart wishes they would. So it's like bonus points when people I read decide to read me.

possibly?

It is possible that I am going to be an auntie VERY soon. Valerie and Jeremy are at the hospital right now to check out some "leaking" that's been going on since yesterday. This is perhaps, the much less dramatized version often depicted by Hollywood, her water breaking.

There are no contractions, so it is also possible that they will send her home and tell her to sit on a towel.

I'll be honest, I'm crossing my fingers for contractions.

home

I have this new home, a new house, a place into which I have recently moved.

There are still boxes to be unpacked, nooks, crannies, corners and closets to be organised.

But I have a place to lay my head, an address that doesn't include a PO Box.

I am finding all these things I love about simply coming home, merely spending time in that place.

Having a place to call home is effecting every area of my life in surprising and wonderful ways.

Welcome home.

recognition

You know when everything just sort of fits together, even if just for a few moments? You look up and notice how everything has settled in just the right arrangement.. All the background noises, sights and sounds compliment each other and you, and this contentment washes over you. It happens at the most random of times. Today, with my office an unbelievable mess of cups, dishes, binders and paper, and a sky full of clouds, I breathed in and as I exhaled I felt that contentment settle in.

It is not about how long the contentment stays, it is about recognizing it while it is here.

i won

With every additional mile I am surprised by the excuses I seem to come up with for stopping.

With every additional mile I am encouraged by my ability to discount those excuses.

With every additional mile I am amazed by my body's ability to keep going.

With every additional mile I am delighted that my legs keep going, even though they've not yet covered this distance in a single run.

On Saturday another battle of wills took place. I challenged my stack of excuses to a nine mile run.

I won.

wod.fam.choc.sod.

My cousin Lizzy is...


amazing.

She is my cousin. She is my sister. She is my best friend.

She makes me laugh harder than anyone I know. She inspires me in more ways than I can express. She reminds me of the Truth when I struggle to see through the lies.

Liz, you have been there for EVERYTHING. For smiling belly buttons and deadly Now & Laters. For Rice Chex with whipped cream and moving away from my dad. For Team Mega Death [we're hardcore] road trips up the PCH to all the happy and sad tears shed over the last 18 months, and all the other ones for that matter.

Thank you for being there for EVERYTHING.

Thank you for being my cousinsisterbestfriend.

Thank you for your tenacious, wise spirit.

Thank you for telling the truth even when it is hard.

Thank you for every single bit of who you are.

I love you and I am so glad you were born 26 years ago today.

the avetts are here to stay

If you've been around me this past week here is what you know:

I AM [even more] OBSESSED WITH THE AVETT BROTHERS.

I have, with the exception of time spent running*, listened almost solely to their albums since last Friday. And I wish I could concisely explain why this obsession has taken root so deeply. Since I doubt my ability to do that I will simply share these:

Cigarettes & Whiskey**


The Ballad of Love and Hate


Murder in the City


Gimmeakiss***


*I am in the process of compiling an Avett Brothers running mix.
**Cover
***I wasn't there for Gimmeakiss, but there aren't any good videos of their faster stuff from the first night.

loving fiercely

I am realizing something about myself. It's not new, but the way I understand it is.

What I know about myself is that I love fiercely.

For awhile I thought I should tone it down, not love so fiercely. Someone, me, was going to get hurt.

And recently, a deeper understanding of this fierce way I love has become mine. I do not need to tone down the way I love. I must simply be discerning about who I choose to love with this fierce love of mine.

This does not imply that I will now be treating love as a commodity. It does mean that trust must be built, must be earned, before the floodgates that hold back this fierce love can be opened.

the avetts are coming!

THE AVETTS ARE COMING!

THE AVETTS ARE COMING!

THE AVETTS ARE COMING!

The first time I had a favorite band it was New Kids on the Block. But that love ended quickly, mostly because I was in fourth grade and my mother wouldn't let me listen to Z100.

Then, in high school it was Blink 182, mostly the early stuff and especially Dude Ranch.

I went through the totally valid, but still cliche, Dave Matthews Band phase in college, thankfully skipping Phish altogether, and dabbled a bit in early John Mayer.

But it wasn't until I sat in Dan's chair at Samuel O'Reilly's getting the outline work done on my arm that I really found, and fell for, a band: The Avett Brothers

The lyrics, the music, the instruments, the ridiculous amazingness that is their live shows...it is all SO GOOD. I don't know that any other band could have compelled me to sit through three hours of pouring rain just to listen to them play their music like the Avetts did last August at the Washington Park Zoo.

And now, TONIGHT, they are going to be in Portland. Not just in Portland, but in Portland playing at The Crystal Ballroom.

I am giddy as I anticipate this evening's concert.

the thing about the library

The thing about the library is that it makes me think about time.

I went in to pick up a book I had on hold [Thursday Next: First Among Sequels], and as I left, book in hand, thinking about the time this book and I would get to spend together, I glanced down at my check out slip. At the bottom it read, "DUE DATE: 06-08-09".

By the time this book is due it was already be June.

By the time this book is due I will have moved away from Santa Cruz OVER a year ago.

By the time this book is due Heather could have had Collin.

Time certainly does fly....